Secret #6: He or she is poor, underemployed,
or unemployed.

Secret #6 mostly applies to male online daters. The reason why secret #6 applies almost exclusively to males is that men are viewed as the supporters of a household. As a result, when a woman is dating, she is generally looking for a financially secure man. Because men know that women want a financially secure man, he often lies or embellishes his profile to entice more attractive women to his profile.

For example: On many occasions, I would contact a man based upon the information in his profile. Based upon the information in his profile (world traveler, real estate broker, consultant, etc), I assumed the man was financially secure. Generally, after one phone conversation, I would find out that the man is working two jobs because of an inability to pay bills, has previously been married and the wife supported him, or is really a hustler (i.e. a man who dreams about business ventures with no monetary returns to show for it.).

How do I figure out if a man is lying about his financial security based upon his profile? There are no hard and fast rules for determining when a man is lying about his financial security. There are, however, red flags. The following red flags, along with the information you obtain during two phone conversations, should let you know if a man is lying about his finances. Never go out with a man before you determine the state of his finances. One, you will hurt his feelings if you dump him because you found out he was broke; and, two, you don’t want to use dates to gauge whether or not a man can afford to love you or not.
The red flags are as follows:

• He is past the age of 28 and lists his occupation as student. The last “student” I met online was 40 and being supported by his parents.

• He lists his occupation as “real estate broker.” The last “real estate broker” I met online was a CLERK in the commercial leasing division of a major retailer. “Real Estate Broker” is the new fake job that has replaced the fake job of “airline pilot.” I have to wonder, though, how long people will proclaim that they are real estate brokers in this horrible real estate market.

• He complains constantly about his child support payments.

• He works one job in the morning and another at night. It is perfectly rational for a person to have a day job and a weekend or evening job, but if the sum total of both jobs means that he is working about 80 hours a week, then he likely is having very intense financial troubles.

• His last significant other (wife or girlfriend) provided the majority of the family’s income.

Now, I am not suggesting that a woman rule out a man because he is having financial difficulty. The reality, however, remains that a man lying about the state of his finances is likely lying about other things as well and probably will not make a good person to date or form a relationship with online or offline. Furthermore, my guilt always precludes me from dating a man having financial troubles. Do you really want a man to take you out on date when he can’t pay his bills? I would think not.

The biggest problem, however, with dating a man trying to dig himself out of financial distress, is his lack of time. A man who is working 2 full-time jobs is not going to have time to seriously date anyone. Thus, if you are serious about forming a long-term relationship with someone, I would rule out someone that is working over 60 hours a week every week. This man will not have time for himself, let alone you.

For example: I met a David online. When I emailed David, it took him a week to get back to me. When I asked David why it took him so long to get back to me, he stated it was because he worked 2 jobs. I asked David if he had time to date since he was working 2 jobs and he said, “yes.” After talking on the phone, it became clear that David did not have time to date anyone. David worked one job 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. and another job from 7:00 p.m. to 12:00 a.m. David also worked all day Saturday and Sunday. I became frustrated with David’s inability to go out and we eventually stopped communicating with each other.

On the flip side of the coin is the gold-digger. A woman that wants a man solely for his ability to pay her bills is the unofficial definition of a gold-digger.

Your question to me is likely: How can I determine from a woman’s profile if she is a gold-digger? You can’t exclude a gold-digger based upon her profile. The signs of a gold-digger are only evident from communicating with her on the telephone or dating her. These are the red flags, which indicate that a gold-digger is after you (she must exhibit at least 3 to be classified as a potential gold-digger):

• She spends a great deal of time trying to find out how much money you make. She will ask very detailed questions such as: Are you a salaried employee or an hourly employee?

• She will only want to go to the most expensive restaurants or events in town.

• Her last boyfriend or husband was a person of status (i.e., doctor, lawyer, CEO, investment banker, etc.) and she never worked at all during the relationship.

• She never dates men who make less money than she does.