Excerpt



As they were getting ready to board the plane, Samantha was asked to step out of line as she had been one of the randomly chosen people to get re-checked by the security agent. She looked at BJ, rolled her eyes up, shrugged her shoulders and told the agent, I have a pacemaker so you cant use the wand on me.

BJ just snickered and continued onto the plane. She was putting the last bag in the overhead compartment when Samantha arrived. Snickering she said, Howd you manage to get yourself pulled out of line? It must be those shifty eyes of yours.

She laughed. Yeah, thats right. I definitely look like the terrorist type. Youd think when youve already been patted down that theyd randomly pick someone else. What really ticks me off is that every time they rummage through my purse, I have to rearrange everything. What a pain in the butt!

The flight attendant arrived and asked them what they wanted to drink, so they both ordered Virgin Marys.

As the economy passengers were filing by, the stewardess returned with their drinks. She leaned over to give Samantha her drink, and as she straightened up, she hit her head on the overhead storage compartment. As she jerked back she struck BJs arm with tray, sending BJs drink flying all over her black slacks and red sweater, onto Samanthas gray slacks, and into the center console where the telephone was located.

BJ jumped up hissing, SHIT! Standing there with tomato juice all over her, she glanced at Samantha and the seats saying, Son-of-a-bitch!

Samantha wasnt sure whether she was going to cry or tear into the flight attendant. She looked at the horrified look BJ had on her face, and then noticed that the petrified attendant had dropped her tray. Before she could utter a word, one of the passengers tripped over the tray causing him to bump into the passenger in front of him, who was in the process of trying to stow his bag in the overhead bin. The collision caused him to drop the bag on the passenger seated directly beneath the bin. What a site to behold! It reminded Samantha of a chain reaction car crash on the freeway.

In the meantime, the flight attendant was trying to assist BJ in moping up her slacks, sweater and seat with the napkins shed dug up from galley, apologizing profusely. Suddenly BJ realized that all they were succeeding in doing, while trying to mop up her pants, was leaving large, visible areas of white napkin lint all over her slacks. Oh, shit! she exclaimed. All were doing is making this worse. Stop!

Samantha finished cleaning up the juice from their seats and the center console, placing the soggy napkins in a plastic bag. When BJ finally sat down, she leaned over and jokingly whispered, Talk about live entertainment. I bet those economy passengers didnt realize that theyd have a floorshow while they boarded. Hopefully they got their moneys worth!

Seeing the humor in the whole incident she whispered back, I bet theyre wondering how we ever got into first class, as she burst out laughing.

The flight attendant had been hovering nearby, wringing her hands. She looked like she wasnt sure whether to apologize again or run for the hills. Hesitantly she approached them and asked in her a very meek voice, Is there something else I can get you ladies?

The idea of getting something else to drink was just way too absurd, and they both starting laughing. Then BJ replied, No thank you. I think youve done enough.

They compared the damage to their clothes. Samantha had ended up with a nice red splotch on her thigh, but the mixture of dried tomato juice and lint on BJs pants was something else. They made quite a pair.

Samantha said, Thank God these seats are leather or wed be sitting with wet butts until we get to Florida. Do you think we should get off the plane in Dallas and change our clothes?

Hell, no! Im not changing these clothes until I get to Florida! I dont give a shit what anybody thinks. Ive had a rough couple of days and Im on my way to bury my father, so the hell with it. People can think what they want. Do you want to change?

No, but I didnt get as soaked as you did. If you dont want to change thats fine with me.