MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY began soon after I retired in June 1993. I had enjoyed a successful career as a professor of psychiatry, yet felt something was missing in my spiritual life. Just what, I was not sure, but I felt it was something supremely valuable. So I set out, not knowing where I was going or how to get there. . . .

Thus I embarked on a search for the core experiences of the world religions. It seemed to me that all of them stressed inner experience as the primary basis of a spiritual quest. This core was to be discovered not in a commonality of beliefs but, rather, in a commonality of inner experience. This meant for me that to understand my spiritual life, I would need a better understanding of my own inner psychological world. Then, as I went deeply within myself I discovered that my experience and reading brought forth a matrix of stories with a diverse cast of characters that give ultimate meaning to my life. These crucial players in my spiritual drama are mythic because of the ultimate meaning they represent. . . .

Along my spiritual journey I experienced changes in myself that I saw as forward steps of growth, and these were interspersed with resistances and lapses into my old ways. The journeys path was like a spiral, with exploring and re-exploring of a cluster of issues again and againbut always from a somewhat different perspective. Through it all, I knew I was becoming more deeply aware of myself. The task of peeling away layer after layer of what others had told me about myself was not easy, nor always pleasant; but the process has been fascinating both to experience and to observe

Thus I felt the need, as observer, to document what I was experiencing, and pondered how best to do it. One evening I attended a workshop offered by a poet who used poetry writing as a form of self-healing. I then began to write poems as a means of expressing my inner journey. Once I had written a number of poems I wondered if they reflected only my unique journey, or if they perhaps expressed truths shared in common by others on a similar spiritual quest. So I examined my poems to see if there were any underlying themes or issues that tended to cluster together. There were indeed such groupings, and my poems were thus organized into the sections herein.

Of course, I am not suggesting that everyones spiritual journey follows an identical course. I do believe, though, that each spiritual quest will encounter some of the same issues that I have faced, and still wrestle with. So I invite you to join me and see for yourself. The most important thing is what you experience on your spiritual pathwhat is true for you.

Three sample poems follow:

Beginning the Journey

I wonder where it went
this thing called a life of my own . . .
Where did I lose my Self
my own desires, those things that I wanted
those things I wanted to be for me!
How did it go so easily
how did it go so fast
I turned around and suddenly
there was no more me
my life had moved on
but where was I
that person who was to be
My face showed the age
my joints felt the pain
my heart felt empty
my Soul searched for meaning . . .
* * *

Journey of Change

I look for the challenge of being
of becoming
I shake security from my Soul
as I emerge from my safe cocoon
For years I have been told by others
about God
my world has been certain
I have known what to expect

But now is the time for spiritual growth
my spiritual growth
I must take that scary, but vital step
I want to experience God/dess for myself
not following someone elses path
but taking my own unique journey

Since childhood others have painted the picture
of the Divine One
I now desire my own experience
my own dharma
As a snake sheds its old skin to reveal the new
now I shed my old beliefs
to reveal those discovered by me
both cautiously and boldly

I take the first step
not sure of what I will find
Will God/dess hear my call
will the Divine One reveal the Godself to me
Will God/dess welcome my desire for contact
or is rejection awaiting
What if I cant fly
what if I fall to the ground


These and other thoughts go through my mind
then I remember
Every eagle that has flown
has faced these questions
as it tumbles from the nest
only then to spread its wings
to soar through the clouds
The eagle has to trust, I have to trust
trust in my inner being, my inner wisdom
trust in the inner Being, the inner Wisdom
to be my faithful guides
on my journey of change

Change is my constant companion
change knew me before I had a body
change will know me when I return to soil
change is both my being and my becoming
I am never alone
* * *

Face My Pain

Let me break out of my prison of fear
bring into my cell all that
which I have excluded
face life as it is
right Now
Trust this moment
let go of holding on
and find my freedom
Face my pain, my suffering
develop an openness to my flaws
For too long I have seen them
as a foreign bodies
to be rejected and expelled
now see them as a part of me
Approach them
not in fear, but in awe in respect
be kind, say Howdy
Let me touch my pain with love
instead of dread

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Excerpt, In Search of Soul, by George W. Barnard
Part of Preface, and three poems






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