EXCERPT

Chapter 1. At the world-famous Hotel Saint George, there was lots of good food and dancing to be enjoyed. It could not have been better. What Ruth brought to this party was her ability to relax and have a good time, to laugh at the drop of a hat, to be easily pleased, and to almost always exude a warm and loving nature. Ruth says I brought everything she ever wanted in a man - big, kind and gentle, blue-eyed, and so outgoing to others, like those kids in the orphanage. We danced and laughed throughout most of the afternoon. Then we snuck away on cue.

Our plan was to spend the first night in New York, thanks to George and Rita, who did so much for us. Then it was off to the Poconos for a week. Through Ruths savings and Philcos generous overtime policy for me, we were able to meet our financial needs, although I did borrow $200 from a friend at workjust in case. In New York, before settling down for the night, we took a short walk just to calm ourselves from all that wonderful excitement. Ruth wondered why everyone was staring at her. I asked if that gorgeous, big, white orchid she was wearing might have something to do with it.



Chapter 2. We feel sorry for any young couples getting married today who seem to feel burdened when all the things they believe they need arent handed to them on a platter. They surely dont know what theyre missing. There is no better way to build couple-strength and confidence than to achieve a genuine success from committed teamwork. How sweet it was!

In working together, we quickly learned a lot about each other. In our case, no two people are more unalike than we are. I am serious and Ruth is totally dedicated to never having to take anything seriously, so long as I am around. I am organized and overly conservative. She is unorganized and trusts completely in the future. In a sense, she responds spontaneously to all situations, and hardly ever plans anything, whereas I plan and re-plan everything, and am definitely ill equipped to act spontaneously at all. These differences have been the source of much excitement in our lives. Viva la difference!



Chapter 3. We had to give up going to these affairs. We fought hard about it but things were doomed to get worse, and I had to put my foot down. Soon thereafter, Ruth started drinking at home, infrequently at first but then more and more as the days went by. Before long it reached the stage where there were bottles of gin hidden all over the house. It didnt help to search-and-destroy them because she knew how to get more. She seemed to need to know that the booze was there if she needed it. The kids were being neglected; we did nothing but fight; and the demon, alcohol, was clearly winning this intensifying battle.

I began to realize that Ruth had become an alcoholic but I really didnt know what that meant. I pleaded with her to get help, to call AA, but she would have no part of that. She thought she was OK. I threatened to leave her and she didnt like that, but she could not change. She became numb to anything she didnt want to talk about or hear about and our relationship was shattered into little pieces. There wasnt anything left to grab onto. My dream life was suddenly dead.




Chapter 4. The following details describe our entry into an exciting New World that we never knew existed. We went through a process during which we, with much fear, attempted the deepest and most honest discovery of who we really are. There were many clear messages here for us. You will have to sort out whats here for you. You wont have any trouble telling us apart. Im the wordy one.

For openers we were asked to dialogue on why we came. This was easy. Ruth was here in fear, as she would not have chosen to come. I merely wished to know more about Ruth and myself.

Next came, Focus on Feelings. We were asked: What are my feelings about the quality I find most attractive in you? In me? And in us? We made two important discoveries right off the bat. First of all, we didnt understand feelings. We had difficulties identifying them and then, even worse, how to describe them. We learned that if you could replace felt with thought, it was not a feeling. We were given a sheet of feeling words to help us describe what we were feeling. We learned to liken our feeling to something else. For example, This made me feel irritable, like having a hangnail.

Later in Chapter 4. Ruth: I admit to shying away from discussions about us or our relationship. It was always easier and more comfortable to talk about the kids and their activities, friends, and relationships, keeping it all rather light and not having to dig into Jacks feelings or exposing my own.