My first test of my career would be John. John was a freshman and so was I, in the sense that this would be my first high school job. I was part of John’s generation. Weird. I remember my first altercation with John as being very minor - his chewing gum and wearing his baseball cap in the band room; minor in 1989, major in 1959. Two no-no’s for me. I asked John to spit out his gum and take off his hat and he got right back into my face and refused As a new young teacher of a student who was less than 10 years younger than me, I didn’t really know how to react to “no,” especially as “loud” as his “no” was. John showed more authority in his “no” than I did in my request.
During the week of July 17, 1989, the third week of my career teaching high school music, a stranger walks into my band room and into my office. “Are you Mr. Everts?” he says in a recognizable drunken slur. I was taken aback. UOP never taught us how to deal with a drunken parent in an altercation. But, again, with my history of having alcoholic parents, I could sense of how to handle this man. “Yes, I am Mr. Everts.” As he moved closer to me, he got louder, “Well, I’m John’s dad, and I heard you’ve been pickin’ on my son.”
“No, sir. That’s…”
John’s dad interrupts me and says with his familiar alcoholic slur, “I’m gonna kick your fucking ass! Let’s go outside, motherfucker! I’ll kick your ass all over that grass outside!”
I was thankful there was another person in my office with me while this was happening. “Mr. Gianni, you’re not gonna do that. Please leave.”
Thanks to my unsolicited wisdom from dealing with my mom and dad, I went back to what I had learned dealing with alcoholics. How I deal with belligerent alcoholics: be very calm and respond to them in a friendly manner; pretty much the opposite of Mr. Gianni’s behavior. For what was happening at that time and for how young I was, I think I did pretty well with Mr. Gianni. He left with no further incident.
After John’s dad leaves, I get a phone call from the Assistant Principal. “Mr. Everts, I just heard what happened. Are you O.K.?” I told the Assistant Principal I was fine. He was pleased. He continued, “Mr. Everts, you know you could file charges against him with the police. As one of Mr. Gianni’s friends, I would ask you to please consider not filing charges against Mr. Gianni. He is an alcoholic and needs support.”
In my naiveté, I didn’t even know I could file charges against Mr. Gianni. Also, again having had alcoholic parents, I didn’t think I would have filed charges because I don’t think I would have wanted a teacher to file charges against my mom and dad. Please remember, I was twenty-three years-old and three weeks into my career when this happened. I knew no better. I did know Mr. Gianni was blessed to have his son’s high school music teacher be an adult child of alcoholics and had dealt with the same illness with which John was living. Because of meeting with Mr. Gianni, I had a different perception of John’s behavior! I had a paradigm shift before paradigm shifts were cool. Through John’s first three years of high school, he would continue to be rude and defiant. When he was a sophomore, I remember John’s attending a home football game - not with the band, but with one of his friends. I was sitting at the top of the bleachers when John confidently walked past the band several times and proudly flipped me off. Students were always shocked by the behavior of John and me: his being so rude, mean-spirited, disrespectful; my never giving him a referral or asking for a suspension. This behavior would continue through his junior year.
John’s life changed his senior year. He met Julie, who would exert a calming influence. In Julie, John seemed to find a person who was able to get him to form a heart! After dealing with John’s father, I understood why John had an incomplete heart. I could not thank GOD enough for John finding Julie.
During John’s senior year in high school, he would quickly change when Julie who was also a senior at the time, became pregnant with their child. He began to care about the thing he had been hurting the last three years: the band. There was a significant moment in John finding his care for what he had been hurting these last three years. At Merced Junior College, November 14, 1992, we were coming off the football field after really embarrassing ourselves. I mean it was one of those times when a group of trumpets went one way while the other group went the other way. The “wrong-way” trumpets noticed and did one of those comical runs back to join the other trumpets. One of the judges on his recorded comments actually said, “You guys look like the “Keystone Cops” out there,” and that judge was absolutely correct. So, as we are leaving the field, this young man, John, who years earlier was telling me and in a sense the band to “fuck-off” or would deliberately do the opposite of what I asked was now muttering under his breath how bummed he was by our performance! He actually cared about the band! Hallelujah! What a change!
Almost four months following that moment on the football field, Julie gave birth to their first daughter. It was February 1993, John called me the day his daughter was born. “Mr. Everts, would you come to the hospital? Out daughter is here.” Such a poignant moment - to hear this same voice that once cursed at me, now change in tone, quiet and loving.