Chapter Three
Getting Out of Our Way

Once we have decided to follow our intuition, we have to start getting out of our own way. We have to learn what keeps us from following our intuition. Fear is usually what gets in our way. Fear of making a mistake, of what others may think, or of the unknown. What helped me most to follow my intuition was to not over think a situation in an effort to not make a mistake.

I was relieved to discover that I no longer was expected to know things that I was never designed to know, such as knowing everything, or being in control all of the time. I learned that I couldn't really keep me, or anyone else, safe, or to know what was the best thing to do in one situation or another. I believe it comes down to who do we want to trust with our life. Do we want to trust our rational mind to get us through life in the best way possible, or do we want to trust our intuition to guide us? I discovered that I was far better off following my intuition and then to show up and do the work that was in front of me.

We were born with a fear-based operating system designed to keep us alive and to seek comfort while avoiding discomfort. Our mind operates from a thinking, or rational point of view, while our intuition has no fear and is not constrained by our experiences. We are affected by events in our past, which have created limiting beliefs that constrain us from exercising free will and free choice. Our intuition has no such limits.

If we are going to be able to follow our intuition, we have to discover what prevents us from following intuition's guidance. Our search begins with limiting beliefs that were learned in childhood and are mostly inaccurate, because they are based in fear. We were born knowing we were unable to protect ourselves and needed to rely on others for survival. If we learned that we are safe in the world, we will develop differently from a person who learns that life is unsafe. One of the first goals might be to teach ourselves that what we experienced as a child is in the past. Our challenge is to accept the fact that we never got what we wanted and to realize that we cannot resolve the past by looking outside of ourselves. We must accept the reality of the past, and shift from seeking what we need from others to finding everything that we need from within.

Whether we learned that life was safe or not safe, we have looked for something outside of ourselves to make us feel comfortable. For example, my first car was a 1949 Chevy. It wasn't cool enough, so I bought a 1958 Corvette. Now that was cool. I would pick up my girlfriend at her high school and feel like I was somebody. All the while, of course, I really knew I wasn't anybody, because that is what I was taught as a kid, particularly by my older sister who constantly reminded me of how I was stupid.

The point of my story is to illustrate that we all have been traumatized to some extent. The simplest event can cause trauma, which remains with us, until we discover it and dismantle its associated limiting belief. My belief that I was stupid was dismantled when I graduated from graduate school. I had to update my limiting belief to match reality.

A way that we can identify a trauma that needs our attention, or change a limiting belief, is to notice how we respond to a situation. We have all had the experience of overreacting to something on television, or to a situation that really gets our dander up. The opposite may also happen, when we find ourselves not reacting when all those around us are. We wonder, Why don't I react like everyone else? We must make it our intention to welcome these behavioral clues in order to help us resolve our unconscious conflicts.

In order to become aware of our emotions, we must develop the ability to become our own witness and listen to what’s going on moment by moment. First, we must notice when something is off. We can observe that our reaction is out of balance with the situation and wonder why. This wondering becomes the motivation to change. Change requires a clear intention to unearth our demons, slay our dragons, stand free of our past, and be unafraid of our future.

In order to be unafraid, we must replace our old way of staying safe with a more powerful one. Our old way was based on the myth that we were in control, and that we were smart enough and strong enough to keep ourselves safe. When we discover that we are not equipped to do what we expect, we can surrendered our old beliefs and allowed a more powerful source to keep us safe--our intuition.

This transition to following our intuition begins by learning to trust that if we follow our intuition, we will be safe and have everything we need. In fact, we will discover that we have no needs at all. We learn that we have nothing to prove and can allow our intuition to guide us. We want all of our intentions and our endeavors to have a new purpose--to carry out our intuition's guidance.

As we become more secure within ourselves, we can be in very loving relationships without contorting ourselves, because the relationship will not be based on need. Needs are temporary, as are those kinds of relationships. Love-based relationships need nothing beyond the authenticity of the other, because there are no unconscious needs searching for satisfaction.