… [Although] I was seated on the horse in front of Doug, he was holding onto the reins, and I had only the horse’s mane to hold on to! So I grabbed onto it tightly with both hands and we started up the hill towards my house. At first everything was fine and I loved it, even though the horse’s bare back was more slippery than snot! Then Doug went and nudged the horse on both sides with his feet and yelled “GIDDUP!” The horse immediately broke into an all-out run right up our hill; his mane was flying wildly, his hooves were pounding the soil, and I was terrified! I was slipping, sliding, and bouncing all over the horse’s broad back and holding onto the mane for dear life! I was also trying to hold on with my legs, squeezing them as tightly against the sides of the horse as was possible! But this just didn’t work because both sides of the horse were sweaty and slippery, too! I just wished that Doug had never made the horse run in the first darn place! It was a miracle that we both managed to keep from falling to the ground! And a good thing we didn’t have far to go uphill because our luck probably wouldn’t have held out! Thank God, we made it to the top of the hill and onto fairly level ground, where Doug wasted no time pulling back on the reins and stopping the horse! WHEW! What a relief! But did I let on about anything? Of course not—and especially not that this was the first time in my entire life I’d ever even been on the back of a horse—not to mention a completely bare back! Nope, I just slid off that horse’s back and dropped to the ground on my bare feet—easy as you please—just like I’d done it a million times before!
“Thanks,” I said, and Doug answered, “Sure, anytime.” Then he headed the horse for “home” again. I stood and watched them go for a moment; my, but that horse was pretty! A light buckskin color it was, with a beautiful flowing mane a shade or two lighter. And with no saddle—almost like the Indians would have ridden a horse so long ago to hunt and travel. They would probably have had a rope bridle, though, and perhaps a bright blanket to sit upon on the horse’s back…along with a few eagle feathers for decoration…
Oh, Diary, this will probably sound downright strange, but even though I was scared to death of falling off when that horse was running so fast, I also loved it! It made me feel free—free like the wind that was blowing through my hair. Just like I used to feel back when I was a lot younger and rode my bike down the road past the water plant with no brakes…I think I even felt wild in some weird way, too. Wild like an Indian or wild like an animal; I’m not sure which. I just know that I loved the feeling and I wanted it to last and last—forever, even! But alas, forever only lasted the whopping three or four minutes it took me to set foot back in the kitchen! Mama had been watching out the window and was waiting to pounce on me! Need I say more? Oh! She was so-o-o mad; the look on her face was just fierce! Of course, she wasted no time starting in on me—and yelling at the top of her lungs, of course!
“WHAT THE HELL’S THE MATTER WITH YOU, ANYWAY? WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH THAT LITTLE CREEP?” To which I softly replied, “Just rode up the hill, Mama.” “WELL, JUST HOW DO YOU THINK THAT LOOKED, ANYWAY, BONNIE—YOU ON THAT HORSE WITH HIM? BESIDES, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED! THINK, BONNIE. THINK! WHY DON’T YOU EVER JUST THINK?”
So I came up to my room. And I did think. (After all, it’s nothing new for me! It’s about the only thing I do get to do without someone getting all mad at me for doing it!) Anyway, here’s what I came up with. For starters, I think I’m not a little kid anymore. (I will be eighteen my next birthday! Why, when Mama was eighteen she was already expecting me!)
I think that Mama doesn’t let me have anything to say about anything except trivial stuff. I think that Mama wants to pick who I can have for a friend, especially the boy friends (and boyfriend, too, remember Jeff?) And now I even think that Mama wants to tell me what I can or can’t do around my own home! Not even to mention that I think—NO! I know—that Mama wants to tell me what I can or cannot do once I graduate!
But the biggest thing of all that I think is that somehow, sometime all of this has to change. I mean, I can’t keep being treated like a small child who hasn’t even reached the age of reason (which is age seven, by the way!) Surely, even Mama’s got to notice sooner or later that I’m not little anymore. Also, especially after today, I really, really think that getting some freedom sure wouldn’t hurt. And even though Mama made my riding the horse into a great big deal, it was really just a teeny-tiny taste of freedom that I got! But I’m here to tell you that it sure whet my appetite for more!
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