Chapter 9 - Hanging On for Dear Life "We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life's morning; for what in the morning was true will in evening become a lie." Carl Jung Life continually evolves: life at work, life at home, life at play, and life in relationship. We’ve all heard the expression change is the one constant in life. Every day we experience change in some way. For many, change is unsettling as it generates feelings of insecurity, imbalance, and instability. Pain and suffering associated with change come not from the experience of change, but from trying to hold on to the past, to familiar ways of thinking, be-ing, and do-ing. Perhaps you've reacted to or resisted calls for change in your work, in your life at home, in your relationship, or even in familiar habits and patterns in your play and recreation. Underneath our reactivity to change lies some type of fear: fear of the unknown, fear of new ways of having to do things or to think about things, fear of having to learn something new, fear of letting go. Change provides an inherent growth and developmental opportunity when we allow ourselves to explore the question, “What am I afraid of?” We look into our fear, beneath it, all around it. When we do this we learn about our fear. We observe ourselves in the midst of fear. We don’t judge ourselves as being weak or bad or wrong because we fear. We learn how to be with our fear. We change our approach to fear in order to bring healthy and meaningful change to our lives. Instead of detouring around fear, or suppressing it, ignoring or even futilely trying to control fear, we allow ourselves to confront our fear. We open ourselves to seeing what fear wants to teach us. In our world of duality, fear and love are opposite ends of a continuum. The greater our ability to be with our fear, to allow it, to understand it, and to learn from it, the greater our ability to experience life from the love side of the continuum. When we experience the love side of the continuum, change is not so threatening. We feel less resistant to change. We are better able to go with the flow of change. We have less need to control. And surprisingly we find we are more trusting when change happens. Even change at work. The first step toward being OK with change begins with acceptance — acceptance not of the change, but acceptance of yourself, your fears around the change. It is OK to feel what you’re feeling. The next step is to go inside and explore what lies underneath your fears. Really explore. Resist trying to think your fear away (an art form in Western culture). Once you accept yourself in the face of change, become clearer about the cause of your fear and your reactivity and your resistance, you are more able to open the door to allow change. Exploring your fear from this place inside will lead you to right knowing, right understanding, and right action. The beauty of fear and its attendant feelings of tension or anxiety is that without tension growth is impossible. A seed cannot and will not grow without tension. Some seeds need cold, some need warmth. When seeds begin to grow, they meet the resistance of their shell. Then, they need to push through the soil — some even need to push through concrete or macadam — then against the wind. None of these resistance elements inhibit the seed from growing; instead resistance enhances the seed’s growth into a mature and strong plant. Similarly in our lives, fear presents an opportunity for growth. At work and at home, at play and in relationship, personally and professionally, we can only grow, through change. We cannot change and grow while defending and holding on to the status quo, holding on for dear life. Paradoxically, change is not a threat to growth but an integral part of it. People resist change because they want to remain comfortable. The reality is the comfort they seek is wrapped in fear, in a quiet or not-so-quiet state of vigilance or subtle agitation masquerading as comfort (afraid that something or someone will change). In this place, one cannot experience true and real comfort that brings true and real inner harmony, inner peace. These folks want harmony. What they experience is inertia and numbness. Harmony comes only when one is at peace with one’s life and one’s environment at work, at home and at play. Harmony comes only when one is open to and accepting of change and adaptation, not resistant to it. Hanging on for dear life does not result in a dear life. Hanging on for dear life results in tension, stress, anxiety, resistance and resentment - anything but a dear life. Understanding our resistance to change and exploring the fear that’s underneath our resistance is the pathway to harmony and inner peace, and to becoming a better you.. That is the essential and positive pathway to personal and professional growth, development, harmony and balance. Remember: life is all about change. Life continuously presents choices. Whether you embrace change or come to it kicking and screaming is your choice. We cannot grow and thrive without change, conflict and tension. Avoiding change, denying change, resisting change keeps us feeling like a victim, always wanting to blame someone or something for the way we feel. Change provides an opportunity for us to become more conscious moving through the world with our eyes wide open instead of wide shut. Change allows us to grow our minds beyond our mental limits and emotional boundaries. Change calls us to move through life — life at work, at home, at play, and in relationship - with a greater degree of trust, freedom and harmony.
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