Preface

My focus in writing this book has been to offer a positive, supportive work that will aid women in understanding men. I have tried to present this in a way that is acceptable to women by listening to a great deal of feedback from my readers and coach-readers. My aim has been to give what I hope is valuable information about men, as well to provide you with tools and skills that you can use in difficult situations with men.
My ultimate purpose is two-fold:
My effort in all my books on “Understanding and Working with Difficult People” has been to be of service, to offer something that may be helpful. I hope my ideas assist people in general in working through difficult situations. This book focuses specifically on providing insights for women about men
There is also an element of personal interest. I, for one, would like women and men to understand each other better so that there is indeed less conflict between the sexes. My work – research, study, seminars and coaching with women – is very much about my understanding women. I have learned a great deal while working on this project.
This book focuses on relationships in two different ways:
Interacting with men/difficult men in everyday casual and work relationships – this can include acquaintances, friends, coworkers-bosses-employees, and even strangers.
Interacting in close personal, intimate relationships with men – spouse, significant other, those you care about and share with on many levels.
I will cover a wide range of areas that often focus on how men and women are different: how we perceive and interact with the world, communicate with each other, express intimacy, relate to sex, and so on. It is a good bet that you will not always agree with me – and that is probably a good thing because we are all different as individuals as well; we all view the world differently. Please keep in mind that what we react strongly to may be the very thing we should pay the most attention to.
I have tried throughout my personal and work life to be supportive of women, and to understand concerns you face. I hope this book reflects that because YOU are amazing
Chapter 1 (excerpt)
Some VERY important information
This book is for women. The over-riding purpose will be to help you understand men. My focus is to discuss what you can do to survive, cope, deal with, and succeed with men. I hope to offer you a broad understanding into how men think and act, as well as offer you a variety of skills and tools to use in difficult situations with men.
The two key focus areas will be:
Learning to understand men better so you can work through difficulties you may have with them
and
Presenting knowledge and skills so you can succeed with difficult men
These two approaches are entwined enough that I have chosen not to separate them, but to focus more on developing your understanding and skills so that you can succeed with men in a wide variety of situations. These ideas will build from chapter to chapter. It is organized so that if you work from beginning to end you should gain additional insight and skills as you move through the book.
My effort has been to write a supportive book for women that will help you make positive choices for yourself when you are facing difficulties with men. Hence the onus will be on you to learn and change.
The real truth is we all should be responsible for how we approach relationships, whether they are casual, working, or intimate. However, if a relationship has difficulties, then someone has to be the catalyst for change. Since I am writing this for women, and you are reading this, I am assuming you are interested in what you can do to help make these situations better for yourself.
It would be very nice if the other person, that man you are having difficulties with, would make the effort, but one fundamental fact about “Understanding and Working with Difficult People,” is that if you are waiting for them to change, you will have a long wait. Here is a key point:
You cannot change another person.
That is, not unless they are willing and motivated to change. There is, however, a more complete statement that reflects the focus of this book:
You cannot change another person... directly.
You can only effect change in them by changing how you approach them (and hence affecting their motivation towards you).
I will emphasize three areas:
Understanding men – the strange and potentially wonderful beasts we are
Developing skills and tools you can use in difficult situations, and more specifically with difficult men
Knowing yourself – because what you bring to the table is immensely important
Please note: Never do I suggest or imply that you should “give in,” “give up,” cater to, or otherwise put yourself in a position that makes you feel “less than” the person (man) you are relating to. Success with difficult people means coming from your own strong personal power; from your self-worth, your self-confident, in control best YOU!
Choices
The truth is we almost always have choices. Yes, sometimes the world seems to dump on us, sometimes the choices are hard to make, and sometimes we seem to be “caught between a rock and a hard place.” Much of what I present in this book centers on how to open yourself up to better choices for YOU.
One thing I have witnessed that has changed dramatically over the past four or five decades is women finding, more and more, their own inner power and strength. When you use this wisely, when you learn how to apply your own personal power to situations and relationships, then you have a tremendous ability to make good, positive choices for yourself.