My main objectives in writing this book are to tell you what sex means to God, and how you should feel about sex as established by the word of God. Is sex enjoyable or is it boring? Does sex leave you fulfilled, or empty and lonely after it’s over? While you are having sex, are you lying there waiting for it to be over, or wishing it would last longer? The reason I ask these questions is because it seems that no one is asking them. We can be so caught up in the act itself that we disregard the motives behind the act. Some of us are having sex because it is what everyone else is doing. Others think because you are dating, then sex comes with the territory. In other words, you are obligated to have sex. Okay, go back and think about the questions I posed. I also want you to think about the person(s) you are sleeping with and see what types of conclusions you draw. The preceding and the following questions all relate to intimacy. What is your relationship with the person you are sleeping with and what type of connection or bond do you have with that person? Have you established a spiritual and emotional connection with that person? Does having a physical connection mean you have intimacy in your relationship, or is it that you are just being physical with one another? Ah ha! I know I am making someone raise his eyebrows right now and say, “Where in the world is she going with this?”
Sex is a physical act and it is intimate, or is it? Well, we need to clear some things up about intimacy, which is what this book is all about. To achieve the level of intimacy that we talked about earlier, women need foreplay. Women like to be warmed up before they get to the main course. Women like attention and affection. We are emotional and sensitive creatures; therefore, men have to connect with our emotional and spiritual senses to develop foreplay. These eleven principles are what need to happen “before the lights go out.” There are many marriages or relationships that have problems because they have no clue what foreplay is. Foreplay will draw the two of you closer together, forming a bond that is difficult to be broken. This is what women really want—a bond and a relationship that lasts and endures. Leave the lights on a little longer and follow these eleven principles to a rewarding relationship. Are you ready?
What is intimacy? First, let’s take a closer look at the word. In-ti-ma-cy translates to mean “in to me.” Do you see that? This is where the person you are dating is able to know your thoughts, feelings, goals, dreams, desires, and so forth. In other words, he/she has an emotional and spiritual connection with you. Once you establish a mutual liking towards one another, you are emotionally-bonded to the person you are “into.”
Some would say “I’ve found my soul mate”. A soul mate is someone who you share commonalities with and have the same beliefs and attitudes. It is also the person whom you believe is the right person for you and that there is no one else suitable for you because of the deep connection you have with him or her. How do I know if the relationship is serious enough, where we can take it to the next level, meaning engagement? Well, I’m glad you asked. Before you can be physically intimate with someone, you have to be mentally and spiritually connected. If all you have in common with the opposite sex is sex, then all you have is sex without the intimacy. Two people can have sex, yet the question arises “is sex physical intimacy or is it just physical?”
In society, we view the term, physical intimacy as someone having sexual relations or being sexual with someone because there is an exchange of emotions and bodily fluids. However, couples can experience empty exchanges, where one feels empty, lonely, unfulfilled, unloved, unwanted and undesired, even after you’ve had sex. Wow! I thought that sex was supposed to make me feel good and wanted? Well, here’s the deal. Let’s say that you meet a young man who shows you attention and affection, but does not give it to you. In other words, giving is an inward expression, whereas showing is outward. For example, a man can buy you flowers, candy, cards, etc. as an expression of showing that he loves you, but not necessarily meeting your spiritual and emotional needs. Consequently, showing ignores the thoughtfulness and consideration in which the woman longs for. Basically, he spends his money on you, instead of the quality time it takes to get to know you. Others would say, he is not into you, only spends on you. He meets your wants, but not your needs. In other words, you want flowers, gifts, pedicures, manicures, candy and dates, but those things are tangible. They can be replaced. However, what about meeting my spiritual and emotional needs? A woman needs to be loved, desired, cared for, appreciated, valued, and to feel special. Consequently, you are showing the woman that you love her, and she also desires to feel needed. In the relationship, the couple need to express their love by showing and giving to one another. The things the man does for his woman as an expression of love, the woman also needs to do for her man. You can endow your mate with gifts, and also spend quality time and affection with the person you love. Giving requires time, effort, energy and consideration. I’m talking about putting in the time that it takes to get to know someone, for real. Aside from the gifts, candy, money and dates, a woman needs a man to be into her and to discover what type of person she really is.