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THE ABC'S OF TEACHING LIFE SKILLS
Diane M. Carrigan and Joyce Thomas
SKILL:
Controlling Anger
1. Continue to listen to the person who is
talking.
2. Check yourself to see if you are
breathing quickly, if so, breathe
slowly and deeply.
3. Continue breathing deeply until your
whole body becomes more relaxed.
4. If the deep breathing is not helping,
ask the person for a few minutes by
yourself.
Activity
Controlling Anger: WINUS
Listed below are 5 steps to controlling your anger and resolving conflicts with others.
Encourage the group members to be mindful of the first letter of each step, let the group members practice using each step through role-plays.
Walk Away: Walk away from those who may be causing problems (i.e. If someone is calling you names, walk away from them. This will prevent fights).
Ignore: Do not pay attention to anyone who is causing problems. Either turn your head or simply do something else. Do not react to what they are saying.
Negotiate: Try to come up with a solution to the problem that will please both parties. (i.e. if two people are fighting over which TV show to watch, they could watch one for 30 minutes and the other for 30 minutes).
Unsettle: Think of a way to re-direct the person who is causing the problems. (i.e. if someone is teasing you about the kind of clothes you are wearing, say to them "boy, that sure is a nice shirt you have on"). This will re-direct that person's attention on himself instead of someone else.
Stand up for yourself: Simply stand up for your self by saying something like "I would appreciate it if you would stop teasing me". When this is done, one should use a firm but not loud voice tone.
Process Questions
Controlling Anger: WINUS
1. What was easy/difficult about this activity?
2. Which one of the 5 secrets was the most difficult to use and why?
3. Which one did you feel was the easiest and why?
4. In what situation would the 5 secrets be the most useful?
5. Have you ever used any one of the 5 secrets before? If so, which one and when?
6. How can you use the 5 secrets in school, at home, etc?
7. Give one situation you could have improved if you would have used one of the 5 secrets.
SKILL:
Controlling Emotions
1. Learn what kinds of things cause you to lose control or become angry.
2. Check out the feelings you have in stressful situations.
3. Tell yourself to breathe deeply and relax when stressful feelings start.
4. Share angry feelings in a way that is not harmful to others. (Ex: I am angry because...)
Activity
Controlling Emotions: Smile If You Love Me.
All but one person should form a circle. That person will be in the middle. This person will go around to the others and try to get them to smile by saying, "smile if you love me". If a person smiles, they will join the one in the middle. Now all the group members in the middle of the circle try to get the ones on the outside to smile.
This activity should continue until everyone has smiled.
Process Questions
Controlling Emotions: Smile If You Love Me.
1. What was easy/difficult about this activity?
2. Is it ok to laugh or smile at the appropriate times?
3. How can this activity teach you how to control negative emotions?
4. What were some of the things you had to do to prevent yourself from smiling?
5. Was there anyone in the group who did not have difficulties controlling their emotions, (not smiling)? If so, ask the person what their secret is.
6. How did this activity relate to the social skill?
7. How can you use this skill at home, school, etc?
8. Give one situation you have experienced when you could have used this skill to control your emotions.
SKILL:
Dealing With Frustration
1. Recognize frustrated feelings as they come up.
2. Figure out what is causing the feelings.
3. Breathe deeply and relax when frustrations arise.
4. Talk about frustrations with a caring friend or adult.
5. Find activities that you can do that provide success.
Activity
Dealing With Frustration: Acid Rock
Make a circle with 6 x 12 inch blocks. Be sure to use one less block than the number of people you have in the group. Each group member should straddle on two blocks, sharing the blocks with another person (i.e. left foot on one half of a block, right foot on the half of another block). The goal of this activity is to get completely around the circle without anyone's feet touching the floor, which is considered to be, "acid". If anyone's feet touch, they return to their original place and try again.
Process Questions
Dealing With Frustration: Acid Rock.
1. What was easy/difficult about this activity?
2. How many of you could feel yourself getting frustrated during the activity?
3. When you started to get frustrated, how did you deal with it?
4. What were some of the skills the group had to use to be successful?
5. Did you want to give up at any time during the activity?
6. What are some things you can do if you are feeling frustrated that you were not able to do during the activity?
7. How can you use this skill at home, school, etc?
8. Give one situation you have experienced when you did not deal with your frustration in an appropriate way.
9. What could you have done differently?
SKILL:
Disagreeing Appropriately
1. Look at the person.
2. Use a pleasant voice.
3. Say, "I understand how you feel".
4. Tell why you feel differently.
5. Give a reason.
6. Listen to the other person.
Activity
Disagreeing Appropriately: Jr. Debate
Think of topics that may cause some controversy among the group members. Write the topics down on pieces of paper, then fold them and place them in a hat or cup. Pair the group members up and let them pick a topic out of the hat. Explain to them if there are any disagreements about the topic between the two, they must use the steps to the social skill "disagreeing appropriately" to do so. Each person wants to make it clear why they are disagreeing with the other person, but they must use the steps to the social skill.
Process Questions
Disagreeing Appropriately: Jr. Debate.
1. What was easy/difficult about this activity?
2. Did you feel others were able to understand why you disagreed with them?
3. Did you understand the point your partner was trying to make?
4. Was there a time during the activity when it felt as though you were arguing? If so, when? (The group leader should review the steps to the social skill at this point)
5. Do you think you used the steps of the social skill appropriately during this activity?
6. How well do you feel your partner used the steps to the social skill?
7. How can you relate this social skill to situations you have experienced at home, school, etc?
8. Give a situation when this skill could have been used in place of arguing with someone.
SKILL:
Handling Stress
1. Identify situations that cause stress.
2. Learn how your body acts when you have stress. (sweating, fast heartbeat, sleep, want to hit something)
3. Use different ways to relax when stressed. (walking, reading, swimming, working out, listen to music)
4. Reward yourself for handling your stress. (do something you enjoy)
Activity
Handling Stress: Guided Imagery
The guided imagery activities allow the kids to relax and take their minds off whatever may be causing the stress. Use the following guide imagery activity with the group. (See next page). Make sure you are in a quiet atmosphere so the group members are able to relax.
Process Questions
Handling Stress: Guided Imagery.
1. What was easy/difficult about this activity?
2. How did you feel before the activity?
3. Do you feel more relaxed now that the activity is completed?
4. Were you able to take your mind off the stress and relax during the activity?
5. Did you feel uncomfortable at any time during the activity?
6. Were you able to use the steps to the social skill during the activity?
7. How can you do this activity by yourself at home?
8. Give one situation when this activity will be useful for you.
Guided Imagery Activity
Make yourself comfortable. Allow your body to sink to the floor. Let your legs and feet turn outwards.
Pause...
'Take deep breaths slowly. Follow the breath as it come into and out of your body. As you breathe out, imagine your whole body growing limp and heavy. Each time you breathe out, imagine that you are letting stress flow out of your body and mind. Focus on the word "relax" as the breath flows gently in and out of your body.
Pause...
'Now that your body is relaxed, let yourself drift to a place of great beauty and peace. This might be somewhere you know well in real life, or it may be completely imaginary. Become aware of the peacefulness of your surroundings. You feel perfectly calm and at peace in this place. Become aware of the position of your body; notice what you are touching with the different parts of your body. Become aware of the objects nearest to you - how close are they? Can you reach out and touch them? What are their shapes, textures, colors, and smells?
Can you hear anything? What kind of sound is it? Is it nearby or in the distance? Is there any movement in your scene, or is everything completely still?'
'Now take your attention away from your immediate surroundings and look into the distance. What can you see as your gaze travels as far as the eye can see? Is there anything happening in this wider scene? Can you describe it to yourself?
Pause...
'Become aware of things which are closest to you. Again, notice their colors, shapes, size, and smells. Because you feel relaxed and calm, all your senses are unusually alert and you feel, see, taste and smell things more vividly than in everyday life. Enjoy this feeling of being completely alive and responsive to your surroundings. Enjoy the freedom to do anything you like - stay inside your special place and explore it more fully, or move on to another place altogether.'
Pause...
'Shortly I am going to bring this session to an end, so, in your own time, begin to move slowly away from your scene. Become aware of the feelings of peace and tranquility which you are bringing back with you.'
'When you are ready, have a good stretch and slowly bring yourself back into the room. Take your time getting up, and when you sit up, remember to do so slowly.'
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