For many years, I was challenged with internal bleeding. It seemed, the older I got the more frequently I bled. I remember purposely going to the bathroom late at night because I didn’t want anyone to know something was wrong. Besides, I didn’t want my family worrying and adding to my existing stress. I will never forget the absolute horror of hearing Noah come out of the bathroom one morning and holler downstairs that there was blood in the toilet. I ran upstairs, as quickly as I could and played it off like Daddy cut himself shaving; he never knew the wiser. But I always had this feeling something cancerous was trying to brew itself in me (and demons reminded me, often).

Anytime I heard colleagues talk about friends, or loved ones, who had died from cancer, I would find myself naturally drawn to these conversations, where symptoms were described, and quietly comparing them to mine. Consequently, I was tormented day and night with the thought of dying young, and not living long enough to see my boys grow into Christian adults, or fulfilling my destiny.

I struggled with terror for the very first time in my Christian walk. No matter how nonspiritual this may sound, quite frankly, I was frightened. I had a little secret nobody knew about, which caused me to feel alone and isolated. And because I understood the power of fear, I knew it would eventually kill me if I continued to let my thoughts run rampant and unchecked.

Even at work, I would find myself praying, throughout the day, not to feel pain or see any blood. It was as though I had suddenly forgotten everything I had ever learned about living by faith. I can somewhat understand how a CPR Instructor could “freeze,” when faced unexpectedly with a family member in cardiac distress. In fact, my emotions had totally taken over.

One day it (my bleeding- see toilet picture on last page) would be gone, and then a few days later it would return, but even heavier than the last; as a result, my highs and lows were frequented throughout each week. I recall my father even advising me to go see a doctor (after hinting I was having a few problems), but I never did. I just felt compelled to put my faith and trust in God first (Romans 3:4). I knew God was leading me in another direction. For some odd reason, I could sense this battle would be for more than just me, this time.

Let me make myself clear. I am not advocating for anyone to neglect medical attention, when they are experiencing a physical emergency, or requiring medical care. We are all at different stages in our faith walk. As you can see, by the experiences I have shared thus far, I had experienced some pretty amazing things. Therefore, I couldn’t see myself going to man, when I knew God’s Supers were faithful, in so many other areas of my life.

Friend, let me tell you something. When God finally got through my emotions, to the point I could hear that still Voice speaking, I came to my rightful thinking. Like the prodigal son, I remembered in my Father’s Kingdom there is a wholeness of healing; hence, compelling me to remember God’s faithfulness and His Supers.

I immediately started binding and loosening (Matthew 18:18), until I could sense a freedom from the “spirit of fear.” When I binded the fear, I released the “spirit of power, love, and a sound mind” over my body (2 Timothy 1:7); moving next into the “5 R’s of Kingdom Meditation.” In fact, it was during the stage of Researching of Scripture that I discovered a passage that really captured my attention; a woman with a bleeding issue. She was in dire need of help and spent all that she had trying to be healed by the world’s (medical) methods, but with no success. Interestingly, Saint Mark felt it was noteworthy to also mention, in verse twenty-six, this woman suffered under the care of physicians— who only made her condition worse (I found THAT to be very interesting, Mark 5:25-34, Philippians 3:3).

The Bible says, this poor sick woman thought to herself, “If I just touch His clothes, I will be healed.” Can you hear the degree of faith in that statement; particularly, the “I WILL BE HEALED” part? This woman had come to the conclusion her contact with Jesus would surely connect her to Supernatural healing— mind you, science not only failed her, but left her financially strapped! As a result, she pushed her way through a pressing crowd, until she reached Jesus and touched His robe.

Supernaturally, Jesus felt virtue, in the form of healing, being extracted from His body. It was so apparent to Jesus that He asked His disciples, who touched Him amongst the pressing crowd? Long story short, the woman confesses and Jesus says the most amazing thing. He tells her, “your faith has healed you” (Matthew 9:20-22). That’s right, her faith, in His Supernatural abilities, healed her.

Once I worked my way through the five levels of meditation (see chapter one on how to meditate), I had to immediately move into action by preparing for battle; that is, preparing myself for the mind games I knew would challenge me—seeing the blood, feeling the pain, and reasoning. I had come to the conclusion half of my battle would be just preparing for what I inevitably knew would come. You see, friend, the devil tends to us the same tactics and progressions, in his attempts to sow doubt and fear.

When I came to the height of the Reflection stage, I began to experience a sense of security everything would be alright. I meditated to the point I “knew in my knower,” healing was available to me. To that end, I opened my mouth, and this is what I said: “In the name of Jesus…”