Excerpt

We all have money issues. I know I do. We’re usually feeling like we want or need more of it. We’re trying to earn more, spend less, save or invest more; yet, we also want more, need more, feel we deserve more, and dread the feeling of losing or just maintaining our current lifestyle.

I believe something else is happening. A dangerous mindset has taken root: spend now and worry later—or, better yet, don’t worry at all! Welcome to the world of addiction: the world of more, more, more. It’s a world of imbalance, of denial, and of insanity. It’s more than plain greed.

You’ve probably noticed a growing trend over the last decade or so. From Suze Orman to Dave Ramsey to Oprah’s “Debt Diet” to A&E TV’s “Big Spender” to books, articles, television and radio shows: calls near and far are sounding the alarm about our individual and collective problems with debt and spending.

Everywhere we look and listen: there are warning signs that something is out of balance: a looming recession, wild stock market swings, a housing market bust with record foreclosures, consumer credit card debt at an all time high! We’ve been told recently that we’re not in a recession but “a slow down.”

We were given easy credit, no money down, and promised “The American Dream.” Look what’s happening?

As Americans, we work longer hours, take less vacation time, have more health issues such as lack of sleep, depression, anxiety, and obesity, and report less overall satisfaction with life. As we continue to emulate and chase the lifestyles of the “rich and famous,” we pay a devastating toll being--individually and collectively.

Yet, many of us continue to spend like there’s no tomorrow. And, for many, there may not be a tomorrow. Our attitudes and culture of consumerism have reached a breaking point over the last few decades.

As with many issues, we seem to have a split personality—again, individually and collectively. On the one hand, we have a trend toward hyper-consumerism best illustrated by the blossoming of magazines and TV shows pushing the lure of haute couture and mocking—tongue-in-cheek—the excesses of shopping and spending—from “Sex in The City” to the chick-lit “Confessions of a Shopaholic” novellas which will be released as a major motion picture this year.

On the other hand, we have a growing movement saying slow down—from Suze Orman to, less stylistically, the movies “What Would Jesus Buy,” “Maxxed Out,” and the underground films “Money as Debt,” Freedom to Fascism,” and “Zeitgeist.”

In 2006, a landmark Stanford University study concluded that something else may better describe the phenomenon that is growing among millions of people. It is called” compulsive buying disorder.” While still controversial—there’s a tendency to call it “poor money management”—the hope is that it opens a new window towards prevention and treatment of persons whose buying and spending may not be helpable through conventional approaches such as just cutting up credit cards or trying to follow a financial advisor’s counsel.

Consider the following statistics:
*17 Million Americans (roughly 6% of the population) are compulsive buyers (Stanford University Study, 2006)
*Nearly half of all compulsive buyers are men (Stanford University Study, 2006)
*Arguments over money and spending are the primary reason for couples’ conflict or divorce (Psychology Today)
*The average credit card debt per American citizen is nearly $10,000—mostly from unnecessary purchases (Time and Money magazines)

If you’re reading this book, either you or someone you know has may have serious problems with shopping or spending. There are different ways to determine if there’s really a problem. If you think there’s a problem, usually there is. If others think you have a problem, usually there is. Ultimately, each one of us has to decide this for him/herself.

Sometimes there may be a problem with debt but not so much because of shopping—one may not shop regularly but may spend too much money on occasional larger purchases such as a home, a car, a vacation; or, one may spend too much on dining out, concerts, the theatre, etc. Likewise, one may have a compulsive shopping or spending problem but not be in debt—there may be other consequences like loss of time or interest in relationships, avoidance of emotions or of obligations.

Some common reasons why people overshop or overspend include the following:

--Emotional deprivation in childhood
--Inability to tolerate negative feelings, pain, loneliness, depression, fear, or anger
--Need to fill an inner void – empty and longing inside
--Excitement or thrill-seeking
--Approval seeking
--Perfectionism
--Need to gain control
--Manic episodes, ADHD, or impulsivity

Compulsive shoppers—often referred to as “shopaholics” can sometimes be described in categories such as these:

*Trophy shoppers
*Image shoppers
*Bargain shoppers
*Codependent shoppers
*Bulimic shoppers
*Collector shoppers
*Compulsive shoppers

This book isn’t a book about finances from the viewpoint of how to make more money or how to save more money. It’s more about our emotional and psychological relationship to money and to things. It’s about going deeper—to the roots.

My interest in this subject is also personal.

I began to see how our relationship to money and to things is a huge source of wounding and pain in my clients—and most people in general. Therefore, creating a new relationship with money and things can, equally, bring healing and peace.

Since 2004, I began counseling compulsive shoppers and spenders in addition to my primary work with people who compulsively steal. Often, both behaviors—compulsive theft and spending—are present either at the same time or at different stages.