Excerpt

I took a good look at Kenny, apparently for the first time. When asked whether he was cheating on me, he didn’t say a word. “Where does he have time to be with another woman?” Maybe I’ll never know, but what we had together was real; I felt it from the heart. “Kenny is a man torn between his desire for a serious relationship, and his desire to please his mother!” I knew Ellen had won, and I wanted an answer as to why she felt so badly about me, I needed an answer – but I was tired of trying to placate Kenny. “You’re nothing but a baby, go home to your mother; just leave me alone!” He walked out without saying a word. I locked the door behind him and crawled into bed, praying and crying.

That night I dreamed of Ellen standing over me laughing, and her grey cat-eyes were shining wickedly! She was screaming; “You Fool, you thought you were the only one!” The next morning I went about my usual routine before dropping David off at Daycare. I was angry at myself for loving Kenny, “loving a big black momma’s boy!” Geneva Holloway, your life is a joke! I laughed at myself, but felt miserable. This really blew away my self esteem. “I couldn’t keep a man.” “I never could keep a man, and I lost this one to his mother!”

Exactly three weeks went by before he called me on the phone. “What do you want Kenny, was my reply.” I tried to remain nonchalant though my heart skipped a beat. I choked back tears because he had hurt me so much! “I know that I hurt you, please forgive me Geneva. I can’t live without you in my life. Baby you’re the best thing that ever happened to me; you and David. Ellen knows it and she’s afraid, I shouldn’t have listened to her.” I thought about Dad’s philosophy – He always said you learn more, when you keep quiet and listen. I didn’t want to reply because “I had to know where he was coming from,” and whether “my suspicions” were correct. My mind was in a whirlpool trying to make sense of the “craziness” of the last three weeks.

“Baby, you haven’t given me an answer. “Can I come by?” I really need to see you, to talk to you.” Finally I replied; “No Kenny, not today, we can talk about it tomorrow.” Kenny wouldn’t take no for an answer, and continued; “Ok, tomorrow then. Why don’t we have a Picnic lunch at the Park? I’m sure David will enjoy that. I’ll pick you up at 11:00!” I didn’t have the willpower to resist his pleas so I found myself saying yes – even though my heart was screaming no. “I had suffered enough emotional damage!”

The following day Kenny picked us up “promptly” and drove to the park. We found the perfect spot to spread out our blanket which was situated within a few feet of the play area. Kenny brought a Deli lunch which consisted of corned beef sandwiches, pickles, potato salad, pound cake, and fresh lemonade. After eating, David ran to the slide. I jumped to my feet to follow him when Kenny in his reassuring voice said, “relax Geneva, were just a few feet away.”

I felt oh so good, as Kenny whispered how much he missed me and wanted our relationship to continue. “He told me that he found a Condo, and he wanted to marry me, if I would have him.” I was too weak to reply – as his lips cascaded across my throat, erasing all memories of the last three weeks…..

I came to my senses as he started unbuttoning my blouse.” “Kenny STOP!”
You can’t jump in and out of my life “as if nothing happened” – You have to give me time to think about these things you’re saying. I don’t know if I can trust you again. “Geneva baby, don’t push me away. I’ve got to have you now, and you know you want me! You walk around all prissy acting like you don’t need a man! I should’ve had you a long time ago, and you know it! I’m not going to let you just walk away from our love, not now, not ever – was his bold reply!”

“Kenny when I met you, you knew I planned on keeping my vow of chastity. Maybe I was thinking unrealistically, but I thought you were special.” I thought you were one of the few men out there who can respect a woman for who she is – her mind, and her body! Apparently I was wrong because now you call me names…..Kenny laughed. “Geneva, what do you expect, you’ll make a man go crazy!” I had had enough. “Kenny, forget you, just take us home!” “Ok Geneva, I’ll get David.” I packed the leftover sandwiches, as I watched them frolic around the play area. Before I could fold the blanket David said; “Mommy, I have to use the bathroom.” Kenny took David by the hand. “Geneva I’ll take him to the Men’s bathroom, its closer.”

I sat on the bench waiting for them to come out. “Ten minutes passed – then fifteen.” My breathing became shallow, and I developed a choking sensation in the back of my throat. Later I would learn it was my intuition telling me that something was definitely wrong! A feeling of “sickening dread” overwhelmed me as I waited for a sound, any sound coming from the other side of the door. Moments later out walked Kenny with David in his arms. David had a wild look of fright on his face, and I stood there trying to decipher the situation…..