So today I went to look at a restaurant and on my way home my summer crush called. I had that smile I haven’t had in a while. You know, the one that spreads one ear to the next ear. After doing the text flirting (or I think she was flirting with me) well, I noticed I had this smile on my face and a happy smile that a cute woman was actually flirting with me. God, it felt good. After we did the text thing I grew some balls and asked her to hang out with me and watch a movie. You all know that that is the key. Movie, wine, and most likely no lights. Aw yeah. I was going for the movie move. So she came over and we poured the wine and put on the movie in my room and then she sat on my bed and I sat…on a kitchen chair next to the bed. Yup, next to the bed, and yup, on a kitchen chair. Oh, I might add that the kitchen chairs are not comfortable. So a few glasses of wine and near the end of the movie my butt proceeds to go numb. After fighting for five minutes I get up “ok I need to sit on the bed just because my butt is asleep.” She of course says you could have sat next to me a long time ago. Yeah well my dumb brain doesn’t work too well unless I have Bacardi. So I easily but gently slide onto the bed and then watched the rest of the movie which (was about two minutes long after I made the move). After the movie ended we talked for hours and she looked so cute, but I, as the dumb lesbian, didn’t make any move because I am not sure if she is that way. So we get up and I am polite and walk her to her car. She gives me the pal hug and off she drives. Yeah… oh well. I head back upstairs, walk into my room, stare at the bed and then turn the light off and hop into bed. I grab my pillow and wish that it was a pretty girl…. But, um no. Back to the drawing board.

Ever go to the bar and sit and drink a beer the corner? Try it. Look at the girls and look at their eyes and actions when they have to much too drink. They almost become fake and want to be the center of attention. Girls have a look that can be mistaken as flirting when they look in a guy’s eyes. It’s not bad, but they give the same wrong signs to lesbians like me. You think they are flirting but they aren’t in some sick way. So for the guys out there; the girls are not all that you think they are. They are interested to an extent, but at the same time they are, um, not. In a nut shell, they are just drunk. Alcohol is evil. It is a flirting drug that causes bigger and more expensive problems; I know this first hand. For every lesbian or straight male out there, take a girl home, but put them to bed and leave. An extra credit will be given and women will talk about how nice you are. A woman is a gift, treat it, protect it, and value it. Don’t let alcohol consume it. This advice comes from the lesbian in the corner.