Excerpt

You can’t buy love but you sure end up paying for it.
- Author unknown

DIAMONDS

The ring. Buying an engagement ring; it’s a huge step for a man. Will be judged by the size of it? Will he be judged by The lack of thought that he put into it? Is it white, yellow and how much did it cost?

In the year 1867, a farmer’s daughter living in South Africa found something she considered a “pretty pebble” alone the banks of the Orange River. It was in fact a diamond. Even though diamonds were discovered thousands of years ago, this is one of the earliest connections that history can provide connecting women to the precious stones. The little girl’s reaction was one of great exuberance. She later commented that the attachment was personal, natural, and satisfying. According to reporters, the little girl then immediately began searching the river for a four-pronged fourteen carat gold band to set her diamond in.

Shopping for an engagement ring is not something men look forward to. Going to a jewelry store to buy a diamond ring is about as comforting as going to a car dealership to buy a car. They know that they are going to be misled, lied to, and be “taken” one way or another.

It is my opinion that if men actually knew where the diamond mines were, that they would mine the diamonds themselves. This would alleviate the agony of going to a jeweler and deal with the insecurities of spending thousands of dollars for something no bigger than a lady bug. Men would prefer to mine it themselves. They could go buy some diamond mining equipment from their local sporting good store, climb the mountain, inch their way toward the center of the earth, and then hack away until they found something that resembled a diamond.

This would also result in much needed alone time; valuable time spent to decide whether marriage is truly for him. And, if by some chance he decides at the end of his trip that marriage is not for him and that he no longer wants to commit to her, he would still have the satisfaction of mining his own diamond.

However, if you are like the rest of us, you probably don’t have the time to spend your evenings inside of a mountain chipping away at rock. Therefore, to save time, you may just want to go to a jewelry store. However, if you do decide to go this route I wouldn’t recommend you do it alone. You need to take someone with you. Someone who really knows money and has little knowledge for anything else–your lawyer. A lawyer might be able to find some sort of misconduct with the jeweler’s business practices which could reward you a substantial discount.

While you are looking at the diamonds with your jeweler and your lawyer, the jeweler should familiarize you with the following terminology:



WEIGHT CLARITY COLOR CUT

In jeweler terms, the WEIGHT is how much the stone weighs which is measured by the carat.

The CLARITY is determined by the amount of flaws the diamond has.

The COLOR refers to the look of the diamond. Diamonds can be brown, yellow and even black.

The CUT of the diamond refers to the evenly proportioned cuts to reflect the most light. This is often referred to as the brilliance of the diamond.

Men, of course, have different ideas and associations with the above terms. The words are familiar, but to them they hold completely different meanings.

WEIGHT–a term used to describe what women make men do while they are getting ready to go out anywhere.

CLARITY–a term used to try and decipher what it is that they really want from us or what it is that we as mind readers are supposed to say and do.

COLOR–a term used to define the many shades of our face when she argues that she is right about issues which she knows nothing about.

CUT–a term used when she is trying to tell us that she doesn’t want to have sex with us anymore.

A jeweler will know the best ring for you based on your lack of knowledge in the subject and the score on your credit report. He will pray upon your inability to distinguish one diamond from another and will hope that you don’t ask any questions.

Diamonds are very expensive and your options may be limited to the requests or demands of your soon to be fiancé. She will want something of size and quality to show her girlfriends at your expense. Therefore, the cigar band is out. As attractive and meaningful as this band may be, the fact is that they simply don’t hold up as well as a diamond. Their ability to reflect light isn’t so hot either.

On the other hand, maybe if you invested in a clear white flawless cigar band, she would at least appreciate the fact that you’re willing to commit.


POINTS TO REMEMBER

Diamonds are the hardest thing on earth.
Women are the second hardest thing on earth.
Diamonds only form at high temperatures.
Women also only perform at high temperatures.
Some diamonds are unnatural and are sold at a cheaper price.
Some women are unnatural and present themselves to look cheap.
A diamond is perfect if it is flawless.
A woman is perfect if she is speechless.