Excerpt

In this book I use a lot of my past experiences as reference to the addict. I am an addict! But I am an addict who is in recovery. Many of the promises of recovery have come true for me. I am so happy about my life and what seems to be a new meaning to my life. I want to share with those who are still suffering, what happened back then and what’s happening now.

The reason I want to do this is with hope that those who read Get Real with Recovery will see that if I can do it, anyone can. It is also with hope that my story and the real facts will inspire many to want to strive for the real recovery.


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Looking back is a very big part of moving forward. If you forget where you came from, how are you gonna know if you are moving forward? You don’t want to close the door or try to forget, because in that case you have learned nothing from your experience.

Don’t look at your past as a crushing blow of defeat. Always use it as a steppingstone to greater accomplishments.

Just as looking back is important, in contrast, looking forward is important. Looking forward is nothing much more than planning your future: the things you want to do, need to do, or want to do. Some people call these things Looking Forward Dreams. Successful people call them Goals.

Dreams, promises, and goals. However you perceive them, look forward. I urge you to look forward to a better life. That’s exactly what you are gonna get, working the steps of recovery with a support network and sponsor.


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I often feel that non-using parents, grandparents, or spouses of users should also take something like a class or read a book about recovery.

So many times I see parents and spouses enable their children or spouse. And this just keeps the user using.

Parents think they are helping their child by giving them shelter, bailing them out of jail or other jams. Giving them money, paying their delinquent bills, this helps users stay sick! You may think that you do this because you love your child and you don’t want to see him or her suffer. To love your child or spouse is commendable. But when you enable them, you are in fact making their situation worse.

You say you love them, but you give them money for drugs. Maybe that’s not what you intentionally gave them the money for. You know they have a problem. What do you think they are doing with money you give them?

You bail them out of jail and other jams because you love them. What you are actually doing is denying them their bottom. Some addicts have to reach a bottom in order to move up. You as a parent or spouse are helping to prevent them from reaching their bottom. And you are keeping them lost.

Tough love is what the addict needs. If you really love or want to help them, cut off any cash in hand to them. Don’t lend them your car or buy gas for theirs. For an addict, gas in their car is a way for them to ride around to find themselves a high. They even trade their cars for a day or two of dope. They actually loan their car to their dealer in exchange for drugs.

You pay their bills and you free up pressure on them so they can concentrate on getting more drugs.

As parents, you hate to think of your child being that way … using you to keep their addiction going, but the drug has no conscience.

If you truly do want to help, then quit holding their hands, cleaning up their messes, and bailing them out of situations. Who are you to deny them their bottom? You yourself need to stop your own denial. The fact is you have a child who is an addict. If you want to help show tough love, make them earn anything they get from you. Stop being an enabler.

Help them when you see they are helping themselves. Don’t be too eager to help, either. Because they are addicts, do not doubt that they will pee on you and tell you it’s rain. So don’t be a softy; question everything. Even the answers they give you to your questions. Don’t let them try to make you feel guilty for asking. They made the bed, let them lie in it. Trust is to be earned, not given.

Remember, parents, anybody can clean up for thirty days or so. Real recovery will show in ALL their actions. Who they run with, their sleeping and eating habits. Their hygiene, their attitudes—and it will take longer than thirty days. So don’t be a fool to the addict.

Mom/Dad, if you are not a part of the solution, you are part of the problem. A lot of time you are a part of the problem and don’t even know it.


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Do you remember when you were younger and your friends would come over to see if you could play? They didn’t want or need anything from you; they just wanted your company.

This you will find again in recovery. Not just in recovery rooms but in recovery in general. As your self-esteem flourishes you will begin doing things that bring a sense of pride to yourself. Others will want to share in that newfound pride you carry. They will also have their own pride to bring to the table. You will have real relationships with folks who don’t care only if you have money or drugs. It will be all about your character all over again. This too is a beautiful thing. I implore you to try recovery. It’s great!