Excerpts

Preface

So much of our appreciation and success at work seems to have to do with who our boss is as a manager (good or bad), as a leader (one who inspires or does not), and, most importantly, as a person (does he/she care). What we do care the most about in a person who is above us in the chain of command is their willingness (or not) to acknowledge, appreciate, and recognize who we are and the effort we put forth. When people get together and talk about difficult bosses, the root of their concerns is often that they FEEL left out, unappreciated, put down, less than, and treated almost as a non-entity.

This book is focused on understanding the unique relationship we have with a person who has hierarchical power over us. To truly gain the knowledge we need to be successful with difficult bosses, we need to understand who they are as a person and what they do that frustrates us, i.e. the behavior patterns they have that cause us turmoil and upset. We must also understand ourselves how we subconsciously add to the mix, and how we can change our outlook and behavior so that our boss will change his or her behavior in relationship to us.

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Chapter 1

Introduction

Key Ideas


YOU are the Key to Success

Yes, you may have a jerk for a boss idiot, a control-freak, a manipulator, criticizer, etc. But you cant change themnot directly. You probably wish that you could wave a magic wand and this curmudgeon you work with would suddenly change personalities, or decide to take another job. Unfortunately, these things very rarely happen when we want them to.

Your only means to be successful with this difficult person in your life is to change yourself and your approach to them.

At difficultpeople.org one of our most oft quoted statements, and a key idea is,

You can only change yourself; you cannot change other people...directly.

If you have a difficult person in your life and you are frustrated because no matter what you seem to do doesnt effect change, then you need to change what you are doing. It does take a good bit of effort and time on your part:

Developing an understanding of how to work with difficult authority figures

Understanding your boss and his/her behaviors

Understanding yourself better

Learning skills and tools that will help you make changes that can make a difference

Creating the work-life that works for you

The good news is that in most cases when you use the positive, assertive approach we recommend, you will effect positive change in your relationships with others.


Always keep in mind the POWER thing

The approach and tenor of this book is different from all the other books in the difficultpeople.org literature because it focuses exclusively on difficult relationships where one person has some type of influence or power over another.

Bosses are, well, bosses, i.e. A person in authority over employees (Webster). For better, and unfortunately, often for the worse, if you are an employee of a difficult boss, they can affect your evaluations, your success, your enjoyment at work, your effectiveness and quality, your self-worthyour whole life.

It is very important to keep this key idea in mind as you read this book and whenever you are considering how you will approach an authority figure in your life. Our recommendations for success in this book are based on understanding how authority makes a difference.

People use power and control differently, so understanding your boss and how they do things is critical to being successful with them. Some bosses rarely exercise their power or authority; with others it is their modus operandi.

Power and control are not always clear-cut in todays business world either. But be assured that in any organization there are levels, and levels create separation with those layers comes influence. That influence does affect your success as an employee, and it affects your ability to enjoy your work environment as well. Never forget the POWER thing it may be subtle, but it is there and people do use it as a means of manipulating people and circumstances.