Using the metaphor of life as a web, Personality and Bereavement: Weaving a Life presents an original five-step recovery process to help you overcome the trauma of bereavement. Unlike other self-help books, Personality and Bereavement is holistic, addressing your emotional, physical, and spiritual pain. In addition, grounded in the works of Abraham Maslow and Carl Jung, Personality and Bereavement explains how bereavement impacts every aspect of your life and how your personality shapes your grief-work. The first half of the book focuses on partner bereavement, the second half discusses other losseschildren, parents, siblings, thorny relationships, and pets.
Imagine for a minute your life as a web, a web which took years to create. This web is unique to you. It includes your wants, values, attitudes, beliefs, and sense of purpose; a symbolic representation of your life, if you will. As you visualize this web, youll note that some lines are stronger or thicker while other spokes have withered or been replaced as youve traveled throughout your lifes journey.

Now, imagine that same web, but with an entire sector destroyed. Obliterated. Erased. Without the missing sector, your web, your life, is unstable. Its health vulnerable. Its existence threatened.

This is the impact bereavement has had on your life, and if the death was sudden or horrific or the death of a lifes partner, the impact is even more significant.

When death is anticipated, we have time to get used to the idea of being in a world without the loved one, to say goodbye, and to right any wrongs that have gone unaddressed. When death comes suddenly, however, there is no time. Survivors of a sudden death often go into shock, the same kind of physical, emotional, and spiritual shock as if theyd been in a serious accident.

Each of us is an independent traveler along lifes journey, a journey through which we meet many people, a few of whom we love. Death disrupts this journey, altering forever the flow of our life and hurling us into an unreal landscape of emotional, physical, and spiritual pain.

While on other parts of your lifes journey, when you and a traveling companion decided to go your separate ways, each taking a different fork of the road, so to speak, you may have shed tears and you may have been sad, but there was also joy. Its exciting to go off in a new direction, on a new adventure, to see whats on the other side of the mountain.

This situation is different. Youve been catapulted into a separation you didnt want; forced to continue your journey alone. And although youre on a new adventure, so to speak, its not exciting; there is no joy or happiness because this journey wasnt your choice.

Circumstances beyond your control flung you on to this different fork, one you never even thought youd have to take. And unlike other paths, this ones muddy, full of pot holes, stones, and obstacles. In fact, this path is so difficult sometimes you might want to just give up. But dont.

From the moment of your birth, your journey has always been yours; your life is special. Since none of us know the future, know what will happen to us along our journey, you must withstand the urge to give up, to join the deceased, to become immobilized by grief. Remember, you might be the key to someone elses life.

That this death has irrevocably altered your lifes web, transforming forever the connections you had with and to everyone and everything else is obvious. If the deceased was your lifes partner, a multi-faceted occupation including lover, companion, friend, and playmate, the damage is even more devastating. As your confidant, you turned to your partner for advice. As one of a couple, you and your partner shared a worldview and a verbal shorthand. When your partner died, therefore, the life you had is suddenly gone, your lifes web rent asunder.

Fortunately, the future is not totally bleak: although it may seem impossible, you can weave a new lifes web, filling in the empty space with new experiences and new relationships; you can learn to live alone; you can and will experience joy again.

But because grief is one of the most complicated and totally engulfing emotions a person ever experiences, its important to understand the unique way you approach grieving. For example, extroverts will be more outgoing even in bereavement than introverts. Optimists are more likely to consider the possibility of a rainbow in their future than are pessimists. People who hate to be beholden to others are less likely to reach out and accept help than people who dont have the same aversion to dependency.

Understanding your personality, therefore, that unique set of enduring qualities that defines who you are and shapes your values, attitudes, and beliefs, will help you figure out how to weave a new lifes web. Weaving a new lifes web is not easy. In addition to your personality, the relationship you had with the deceasedwas it a love-hate partnership or a love relationshipand the situation surrounding the deatha sudden or anticipated death, an accident, natural disasteralso influence how you grieve and how hard itll be for you to weave a new lifes web.

In general, though, no matter the situation or the relationship you had with the deceased or your personality, grief-work and weaving a new lifes web takes time, energy, strength, and determination. And because there is no quick fix, no minute-solution for putting your life back together, I wrote this book and created the 5 step WEAVE path to recovery especially to help you.
WEAVE
* With courage, admit that your lifes web has been significantly damaged.
* Evaluate the damage to your lifes web.
* Allow yourself permission to weave a new lifes web.
* Vigorously begin to weave a new lifes web.
* Examine your progress; create new connections; move forward on your path to recovery.