Excerpt

The words theres been an accident were life altering.

There would be no time to make amends for our estrangement, our conflicts and harsh words spoken.

How was I going to deal with my ex, his wife and family, my estranged mother and her family without my husband at my side?

People failed to realize that two households lost a child and that even non-custodial parents need to be acknowledged.

Grief was in every tear I cried and breath I took. It was with me when I went to bed at night, in my dreams and the nightmare I woke to in the morning.

I needed to understand the belly of this beast called grief.

Shame, anger and guilt had become roadblocks.

Forgiveness set me free to grieve, mourn and heal from the loss of my son.

Now I take the time to smell a flower, gaze at the beauty of a sunset, feel a breeze, listen to a birds song and even stick my tongue out to catch a snowflake!

My sons death has now become a part of my existence.

It will be with me all the rest of my days however, so will his life.

I learned to accept, what I could not change.

My son was dead.

That didnt mean I liked it.