Excerpt

Passing Your Heritage On: A Guide to Writing Your Ethical Will

There are two thrusts to this book--the educational and the exemplary. Experts agree that the documents (wills) should remain separate. An ethical will, unlike a material will, is not a binding, enforceable document. Its contents cannot be objectively quoted, but can help explain--either directly or indirectly--the thought processes behind the terms of the material will. This first excerpt teaches us one use of an ethical will that an elderly unmarried maid aunt writes to her nieces.

If Great Aunt Jane had a reason that she left one twin a valuable piece of furniture and the other twin only a box of books, it would soothe some hurt feelings if her ethical will explained Aunt Jane's thinking. It might be that Jane thought that Nan liked house decorating more than reading. Or she needed to alert Jan that five of her books were rare first editions that would need proper atmospheric storage conditions. Even little things take on a great deal of importance if they are the last communications from a relative.

And remember, not all the sentiments left for the heirs are warm and wonderful.
Two copies of this note were handwritten in Jane's beautiful penmanship.

Example:

Auntie Jane's Legacy

Dear Nan and Jan,
I suppose you two are tired of sharing everything. I am writing this note to you together, but at least you will each get a copy. I just want this last communication with you after I have gone on.

As I write, I remember the interesting times we had the summer you were seven years old and stayed a week with me. It was a joy for me; perhaps a little boring for you. Well, perhaps--very boring. You both were very well-behaved. I was glad to discover the municipal swimming pool. If we had not, you two would have spent the whole week whining because I did not have a television!

I am letting you know that I have made my decision about what to leave you in my will. You have been wonderful little nieces through the years. Since I had no children of my own, I used to fantasize that you were both named after me. I don't think that was the case, but it pleased me to think so. My actual first name is Nancy...Nancy Jane.

I would like for Nan to have the French armoire because it provides a place to hang up her coat as soon as she gets into the house. It is never too late to correct a bad habit.

Jan shall inherit my most valuable books because she probably will benefit from reading a few classics and may even enjoy them. I am enclosing directions for the proper care of the wardrobe as well as the proper storage of the fragile books.

If I leave you with a small improvement in character, I have succeeded. Thank you for your respect and love all these years.

Auntie Jane

To repeat, ethical wills are not always pleasant reminders of childhood. They can serve a serious purpose.


Ethical wills are a way to share our values, blessings,
lifes lessons, hopes and dreams for the future,
love, and forgiveness
with our family, friends, and community.


The second excerpt is an example of an ethical will in a letter from a mother to her child thanking him for her grandchild and commending him for being a fine young father.

Would you like to write an ethical will letter to your son and daughter-in-law thanking them for that beautiful grandchild? They would love to receive your thoughts within the near future.

Example:

Dear Douglas and Joan,
It may be difficult to see the keyboard as I begin this note to you both. I keep getting tears of joy in my eyes. It has been only two days since your long-awaited child was born. She is such a lovely little creature and such a quiet, good baby.

Thank you, thank you for making us grandparents. We are so grateful that you chose to have children and that you allowed us to join you in the birthing room. Having both parents and both grandmothers and a grandfather provides the opportunity to welcome a child with abundant love.

Joan, you are the star of this show. What a magnificent job you did propelling that baby into the world. No fuss, no complaint, just quiet hard work and a mother's love! I have tremendous respect for you. Even after a morning of hard work, you were in good spirits and were generous with your visiting time and in your allowing us to take all the pictures we wanted.

Doug, I know you were less than delighted to have so many people around for the event, but you were gracious and generous to allow us all into the room. It meant everything to us to see this first little granddaughter born and come into our lives. There are not words to adequately describe the feeling of seeing my own grown-up baby son at the moment he became the father of a baby daughter. I guess life is supposed to continue in just that manner, but it is a miracle to each of us each time it happens.

Now it is fun to see you learning all the little things that will be so easy for you within a few weeks. Changing diapers, giving a bath, playing but not playing too roughly, feeding her, and rocking her to sleep. You will enjoy it all once you gain your confidence. Before you realize that a year has gone by, she will be walking, then running, and saying a few words. One of them will be "Daddy."

Thank you for that wonderful day in our life and the promise for the future. With our love that continues to grow,

Mom and Dad