Excerpt

The term wife swapping is pass. Its also inaccurate, as many of todays liberated women would insist theyre husband swapping! Swingers is still widely used, although many of the younger folks have never heard the term. The lifestyle is becoming the most widely used term to encompass everything that has to do with swinging. Players is synonymous with swingers and those terms are used for convenience in this book. Keep in mind, though, that these terms have other uses too, so if they come up in conversation dont get excited and get yourself into trouble by automatically assuming people are talking about the lifestyle!

There are many other terms commonly used by players, and we have included a short glossary at the end of the book.

The Seed

By the time I was in high school I had heard of wife swapping and clubs where men would put their keys in a bowl, and the women would pick their partner for the evening from the bowl. Now I dont know how accurate the reporting of that swapping game was, but I had read about it in a newspaper (the media wouldnt make it up, would they?), and intriguing fantasies were planted in my mind. What made it real was that it was in a local daily newspaper and the club (where the activities took place) being exposed was about 25 miles away. I never got a chance to find out any more through my first two marriages, because both wives were extremely jealous and didnt hesitate to state in no uncertain terms what the consequences would be if I even looked at another woman. And the possibility of a threesome was out because they said they found the thought of being with another woman disgusting.

I say, said because my second wife actually enjoyed erotic female-female videos. She had commented a couple of times that shed heard that once a woman had another woman shed never want to go back to men. So I believe she had her own seed. A postscript On a recent phone call, my second ex-wife volunteered that she had been with another woman during our marriage. She had taken a trip with her boss and his wife, which I remembered. The bosss wife had been flirting with her before the trip and when the opportunity arose, they took it! I was totally unaware of this, and remember having suspicions that she was making it with the boss. And if she were, I doubt she would tell me about it, even today.

The closest I came to an encounter was at a party, during my first marriage, where I was sitting on a barstool and a sexy vixen moved back and forth straddling my knee and making suggestions that we all get together. Something clicked inside that said this went way beyond just swapping. My wife didnt talk to me for three weeks after that incident! But, being nourished, the seed grew a little

Barb, my current partner, spouse, friend, lover, soul mate and I were amazed the first few months that we were together by all the parallels in our lives. We even had lots of the same stuff, and had read many of the same books. One day, when discussing books, we discovered that we had both read several of Nancy Fridays books. Hence, the topic of fantasies came up. We gingerly started exploring each others fantasies and found that some of our fantasies were the same, some were complementary and some were a girl or guy version of the same thing. This got us to the topic of whether or not wed like to experience our fantasies. Since we both were game for some adventure, our journey began. We planned, discussed and analyzed for about a year before we did anything. This thoughtful period probably saved our relationship.

Where have your desires come from? Have they been deeply rooted for years, or is your desire to play just a passing whim? The lifestyle is serious business. Believe me, it takes a commitment and the fortitude to evolve beyond the emotional problems you may go through. Im sure there are many who will argue that were taking this all too seriously. But we also know there are many lifestyle couples out there who are suffering with relationship problems, or have already broken up after a few experiences. Weve met some of them

If your partner has suggested swapping or playing, how did it make you feel? (I mean beyond any jealousy issues.) If the idea was new to you and you thought it was horrible, you know what the answer is! This book probably wont change your mind. On the other hand, if you have had suppressed desires to expand your horizons and the suggestion got your adrenalin (or other bodily fluids) flowing, dont shut off any avenues for discussion. The basic concepts have to be amenable to you both before you can pursue them further together.

If you are at this point and want to continue, it may be a good time to investigate what is behind the suggestions, regardless of whether you or your spouse, or friends made them. And more importantly, examine how you both honestly feel, deep down, about the ideas. Most adults have been exposed to the ideas in one way or another and have already formed some initial personal position on the matter. You either crushed the seed or planted it! The scale goes from How could anyone ever do that! to Ive secretly been fantasizing about us doing that! It may be difficult initially to talk openly about this subject, but speech is much easier to retract than action.

In the unlikely event that youve led a sheltered life and this is all new to you, there is a wealth of information in this book that will give you all the seeds you need to plant or crush, as you desire! Read on, absorb and let the information settle, and then reassess how you feel about it.