Chapter Forty-Five: "Gimme Don't Get Any"

So there I was in the middle of aisle 3 at the grocery store witnessing two children whining, crying, and behaving totally inappropriately. Which, of course, caught the attention of onlookers including myself. How embarrassing! I wondered how this matter was going to be handled. I've seen this before; unruly children behaving like brats; yelling, screaming, and running around like banshees. So, I was curious as to how this scene was going to be resolved. Other times I've seen mothers scold, threaten, hit, or whack their child in front of everybody. To be honest, I wasn't sure what the reaction of the mother was going to be because for the first time the mother of these rug-rats were mine!

I stood in disbelief as my three and five year old started to behave like typical "grocery store kids." I've always witnessed these encounters while shopping but never at my expense. My children always behaved and I took great pride in escorting them to stores, restaurants, and at the movies. So, I was stunned and annoyed when they weren't behaving. They knew better. Why were they acting like this? It was as if someone swung their grocery cart next to mine and when I wasn't looking immediately switched my children with their children.

The little demons in front of me didn't remotely resemble my own well-behaved little angels that I knew and loved. So, I was determined to put a stop to this unruly behavior and nip it in the bud. At first, I looked at them square in the eye and firmly gave them the warning, "If you can't act appropriately we will leave the store." Of course, this idle threat didn't make any difference to them as they continued their rotten behavior, "I w-ann-t this, Mommy! Mommy!

I followed through with my threat. I did exactly what I said I was going to do. (See, "Actions Speak Louder Than Words")

Right then and there in the middle of aisle three with groceries heaving over the top of my cart we left the store.

I didn't check out, I didn't push the cart to the cashier, I just left groceries in the cart and left the store. 1,000 apologies to Carl, the stockboy. My heart goes out to him having to put everything away. May he one day have children and understand that a lesson had to be taught.

On the drive home not one of them spoke until we were almost in our driveway. My five-year old asked in a very meek little voice, "Do you still love us?" "Of course I do." I replied, "I don't hate either of you. I hate what you both did but don't hate either of you. I love you two very much."

Inside the house the girls tip toed around and walked on egg shells while waiting to "get it" from me. What they failed to realize was that I wasn't going to "give it to them" (Verbally or physically) instead I was not going to "give it to them."

This sent little question marks above their tiny heads. I did absolutely nothing. How then did this incident affect my children and how was this disciplining them?

This is when my girls first learned that for every action there is a reaction. For their action my children will soon learn about "suffering the consequences."

It was about a half an hour later when Miranda came up to me and asked for a snack. She wanted the special cookies with the chocolate stripes on them. "I'm sorry, honey, those are in aisle three." She looked at me with an astonished look on her face. "You see, honey," I explained, "because you and Jeanie didn't know how to behave in a grocery store we left the store and everything in it. "Now, I'm sorry, but there's no special treat to eat." "What about another kind of cookie?" she questioned. "We don't have any cookies, Miranda. That's why we were shopping, I responded. "But I wanted them." "Well, then," I reasoned, "the next time you'll know how to behave in the store and next time we'll get them."

This very effective approach got them were it hurt; their little hungry tummies. They learned very quickly that when they do something wrong they have to suffer the consequences (or "logical consequences" as experts would name it). If I would have spanked them it would have stung and it would have hurt them for a second but I don't believe it would have lasted or had an impact like suffering the consequences. The spanking would have been forgotten. On the other hand, not being able to have the foods they wanted lasted the rest of the day and the next day. I didn't deny them food. They ate every meal that day (well balanced too) but just not the special foods that they spent over an hour picking out.

Sure, it was a waste of my time. It took time for me to get them ready (in their coats, hats, and boots) drive in the snow, shop for almost an hour (we were almost done) and then drive back home with nothing! It may have seemed like a wasted trip but alas, it was a very effective learning experience for not only Miranda and Justine but for myself as well. At that point I learned that I CAN discipline very effectively without having to raise my hand. Using your mind over the use of a spanking is a more practical and effective approach.

The day after our grocery store encounter we again tried to go shopping. This time they both sat in their cart like little angels and not a peep out of them. Not only was I able to get all my shopping done, I had time to go back to aisle three and get the special cookies with chocolate stripes on top.