The Altar in my Freezer



Honey? My husband called to me from the kitchen, innocently. Wheres the candy bar we bought yesterday? He asked this completely unaware that the next phrase out of my mouth would become one of the most significant memories I had about the birth of our son Jordan.

Its in the freezer between the popsicles, and the placenta. I said, without blinking. I was in the middle of changing our 2 week old, and out those words came as matter of fact as directing someone to locate the clean towels in the hall closet.

It wasnt until I heard my husband put his footsteps in reverse, and saw him lean back around the kitchen corner to peer at me with a mixed look that I realized what I had said, and giggled.

To an outsider, that phrase may have sounded like a line from CSI or another equally human-organ driven storyline. But to me, it was just a matter of fact part of a glorious Birth and my evidence of this transformational experience.

Next to the Placenta.

My placenta. The organ that sustained my baby while he was inside, growing into the little person he is today. It struck me that it came so naturally out of my mouth, without so much as a second thought.

People I know act horrified, when I tell them my story of birthing my baby at home into a blow-up pool. They ask me about disinfecting the pool, sterilizing the room, and about practical matters such as: What if the cord was around the babys neck!? Nevermind that a large percentage of babys find themselves a the end of the birth canal wearing their umbilical cord like a scarf, and that all Birth assistants the world over, no matter their location handle it the same wayTHEY REMOVE IT!

They cringe at the thought of a Birth without anything medical to help or assistance. Personally, I dont understand that stance. I see very little medical need during Birth- isnt it supposed to be a natural process? When did we stop seeing Birth as a beautiful, albeit difficult journey, and start seeing it as something we need to monitor and bring to an end just as quickly as possible?

C-sections are becoming more and more common, and not because there is an increase in medical need, but because more and more women are convinced that Birth is something to fear, and that trying to birth naturally is equivalent to playing the martyr. In many instances, a woman may be birthing naturally in the hospital, moaning and vocalizing as is common in most situations, and the medical based Birth attendants encourage the mother to allow for interventive, or pain-relieving methods. So many of these women end up with Births they are ashamed of, and they cannot feel the power and release that is part of this sacred passage.

In many cultures men and women are required to endure and conquer a rite of passage-it is never pleasant, and usually has some aspect of physical and emotional pain. At the successful completion of this difficult task, they receive a prize-sometimes the prize is simply a welcoming into a group of the wise, and sometimes it is something tangible, such as a costume or signatory of honor.

In our western culture, we look at these ritualistic expressions of courage and the ability to withstand pain, as something vulgar, uneducated and pointless. But there is something deeper and eternal about this accomplishment, and many groups in our society are realizing the value of these rituals, trading in the company picnic, for a group fire-walk, or rope course. They are finding a greater sense of unity and confidence by doing something extreme, and suddenly the concept of rites of passage is not so foreign.

Erecting an altar is something meaningful to the process, and keeping my placenta was my way of honoring my passage and reminding me regularly of what I achieved. It is my Altar in my freezer.

I open my freezer door at least once a day. Each time, I am reminded of what I accomplished. The path I chose to walk in spite of pressures to conform, the informed choices I made to do things my way, and the courage I dug deep to touch in my moment of weakness.

Many women have placentas in their freezer, like mewaiting for the right moment to bury it respectfully in a place it can nourish a fruit tree-but until then, it sits right there in our freezers, next to the frozen peas and chocolate chips. These women know certain truths you cannot know about Birth without walking through it unaided.

These women are members of a secret society the FPS...Frozen Placenta Society.

And we know that Birth is possible.