Excerpt

Chapter VI

Discipline and Accordance

Children need guidance and discipline in their lives. They need you to show the way daily in what you say and what you do. Remember that the word discipline is related to the word disciple which means follower, therefore, your children will follow your teaching which should be kind, yet firm so they will feel secure as they understand, and I emphasize understand your guidance.

Children should be encouraged to express their feelings about anything, even though they must be subject to your more experienced judgment. Remember that the time you take to explain is time utilized in bringing knowledge of the circumstance to a less experienced mind. Children who do not understand usually in time become resentful and sullen and pull away from you in spirit even though they are forced to obey.

The early teen years are when resentment most often surfaces as children act out pent up emotions. All teens experience turmoil as they make the transition from childhood to adulthood, but seriously troubled teens sometimes act our violently, harming themselves and others. I want to stress again the necessity in having your child feel secure in your unconditional love and loyalty to him or her.

We must remember that children have egos just as adults do. Sometimes they act out of an exaggerated sense of self-importance just as adults do. We know that the child at the moment is too full of himself in proportion to the situation. My grandmother, who raised nine children to adulthood, said that is when they need to be taken down a peg or two. Yes, children need to see themselves in perspective to the world around them, but let us not forget their lack of experience and their tender feelings that are easily bruised. Most of us remember incidents in our childhood when we were so severely chastised or so horribly embarrassed by an adult that the sting or hurt of the experience is still with us and will be for the rest of our lives.

It is very important to listen to your childs wants, wishes and dreams. They may sometimes seem unrealistic to you, but these are thoughts in your childs mind, and you need to know what he or she is thinking. A childs thoughts are part of who he is and what he hopes to become. His thoughts are to be respected. If you are alarmed by what your child expresses to you when you listen, you have an opportunity to talk calmly and rationally about the matter at hand. Do not become angry or critical. Do not cut him off immediately and readily punish him. Sometimes you both need a cooling off period before continuing to discuss the matter. Then try, through your more mature reasoning to persuade the child or teen to a different point of view. Lead him to explore the subject by trying a what if line of thinking.

Some people seem to forget how they learned the things they know. They seem to act is if they always knew everything and speak to their children very harshly and blame the children for consequences of errors they make acting out of ignorance or inexperience. These are parents who have failed to patiently teach. Such parents often cause adverse behavior in their children who have no behavior map to follow and no clear sense of direction. They feel it is impossible to please their parents, that nothing they do will cause their parents to really love them.

Teaching children need not be such a blow to their egos if we are consistent and gentle in our parenting. Actually, I truly believe that if love wont get the job done; then, it cant be done. There is no stronger power or influence then love in all of mans experiences. Love is the strongest bond in any relationship and the appeal that will win out over any other.