CRIME RHYME #2 - HOLIDAY RHYMES (abridged)

Teddy Rhymes wasnt the sentimental sort though he always enjoyed the sights, sounds and spirit associated with what was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. Unfortunately, crime never takes a holiday which is why the detective found himself at the corner of 34th Street on such a blustery night.

Mr. Claus? Rhymes asked the street-corner Santa.

Call me Kris, he corrected.

As in Kringle, Rhymes presumed. He didnt go there. There had been enough TV specials made over the years to suggest that those who dont believe in Santa Claus may be Scrooging themselves out of a Merry Christmas.

Okay, Kris, why dont you tell me what happened?

A man exposed himself! shouted Santa.

Rhymes was surprised by the statement. Anyone who took off their clothes on a night like this was surely risking frostbite on certain areas best left unbitten.

So what did this guy look like? Rhymes asked.

I have no idea. Im reporting this crime for one of my reindeer.

The old man rested his bell down on the sidewalk and walked toward an alley. Rhymes stood in the cold for a long beat. Then, with an incredulous shake of the head, he followed the sincere-sounding Santa into the alley.

Moments after turning the corner, the detective stood stock-still with a look of disbelief covering his freezing face. Eight sturdy, robust reindeer were lined up. They were harnessed to a sleigh full of toys.

Sorry I ever doubted you. Please, continue, Rhymes said.

Apparently this sicko walks up to one of my boys here and opens up his trench coat with nothing on underneath. Now, I am one person who knows the difference between naughty and nice. And, well, thats not nice.

Agreed. Which reindeer witnessed the act?

I promised that I wouldnt mention his name. Hes a little shy. Lets just say it wasnt Blitzen or Comet or Dancer or Prancer or Vixen or Cupid or Donner.

It took Rhymes a moment to recall the classic Christmas song in his head before realizing which reindeer had witnessed the incident. He asked if the self-conscious caribou would be willing to come down to the station house to look at some mug shots.

Santa explained that he could probably convince his traveling companion to assist in the investigation at some future date. It would be impossible to go anywhere with him tonight. Turns out it was Christmas Eve.

In his police report, Detective Rhymes described the lewd lawbreaker as a:

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Rhyme Solver #2

Santa mentioned that this was his first year working the corner after several complaints were lodged against the old Santa. Apparently the street corner solicitor of Christmases past had a habit of mooning anyone who didnt plop a few bucks into his collection kettle. The act gave new meaning to rosy red cheeks. Rhymes tracked down the scornful Santa through unemployment records. Ironically, his name was Nicholas, though he was no saint. He came clean after his arrest. The plan was for Nicholas to expose himself to Santas reindeer in an effort to scare them out of the alley. Santa would have to chase after the escaping caribou thus allowing Nicholas to reclaim his corner. Since all the reindeer were harnessed together, Nicholas knew if he spooked the first one, the rest would follow. The plans of the DASHER FLASHER fell apart when a cold wind whipped through the alley just as he dropped his drawers, leaving very little to see.