I knew that when I stood beside my husband-to-be, I would look like a skinny, drooping, thirteen-year-old flower, who looked ready to shed its petals in the slightest breeze; but there was no breeze, no air conditioning and the room felt like a furnace. I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. For just a minute the room swam. I shook my head, trying not to faint with misery.

It was then, Pete Neuswander entered the room. From the first moment I saw him, I always thought of him as Pete Neuswander, never Pete, or Peter, or honey or any of those other affectionate names women give their husbands. Pete Neuswander was a stranger, and it seemed rude somehow, to be too familiar with him.

He was dressed in a nice dark blue suit with a silver blue tie. He was not as tall as I hoped, and not handsome, but his face looked kind. He was almost bald and this made him look so old. He was nothing like the husband I dreamed of since I was a very little girl. When he held out his hand to me, my mother pushed me forward, but my legs froze and I almost fell over. My husband-to-be grabbed my hand and righted me. I looked up into his eyes to thank him, and noticed they were not cold like my fathers eyes.

We spent our wedding night at the only motel in town. Everyone went there to begin their honeymoon. I always thought there was really no other reason to build the place because we were scarcely a tourist town. It was very awkward. I had no idea what to expect, as neither my mother nor my aunts (fathers other wives) were allowed to discuss the details of sex with me.

There was a television in the room, a large bed, a couple of bedside tables, cracked and stained, and a small, tiled bathroom with some of the floor tiles missing.

Pete Neuswander turned the television on to a ballgame, loosened his tie, threw his coat on the one chair in the room and took off his shoes. He lay back with his arms under his head to watch the game. I sat on the very edge of the bed, my knees literally trembling. I felt something evil had reached down my throat and was squeezing all the blood and life from my heart.