What is this thing called success? Few of us today are nave enough to point to the rich and famous for our answer. Everyday we can read sad and scandalous headlines about so-called successful people - rock musicians, movie stars, sports heroes, and politicians - for whom there is a deep chasm between the private and the public face. Their public achievements, whether singing, scoring touch downs, or winning elections, are no guarantee of real success that endures beyond the spotlights.

What is this thing called success? In this book ordinary women are challenged to think about that question. What is it that makes an ordinary woman extraordinarily successful? For some the word was not one that they routinely thought of in the context of their own lives, but as they shared their thoughts on this provocative subject, 3 Ps emerged again and again. Real success is a personal, passionate, process.

Real Success: Its Personal

Lucille: All I Ever Dreamed Of
I had practically completed the interviews when I decided to ask my stepsister Lucille to participate. She had come to my mind many times but I was hesitant. Lucille dropped out of college and worked at a local bank before marrying in her mid-thirties. She and her new husband Henry moved to another state where he taught high school, but eventually became disenchanted by the bureaucratic system that seemed to have lost sight of the students. At that point he and Lucille made a courageous decision to set out in a very different direction - renovating old homes in the vacation communities of Cape Cod. For Lucille this undertaking was the realization of a dream that dated back to her teenage years when she would fantasize about fixing up old houses in her neighborhood.

The traditional success story would end with Lucille and Henry enjoying a thriving business and reaping lucrative returns from their new enterprise. Unfortunately they embarked on this different lifestyle just as the economy soured, and what could have been a prosperous venture was not. Yet to this day the two of them, both now in their sixties, continue their work with enthusiasm and pride.

My concerns about asking Lucille to be interviewed came from knowing of the financial difficulties they experienced, but my awareness of her incredible enthusiasm and excitement overcame my hesitancy. Finally I asked her, and she agreed. When the interview was barely underway, her words confirmed that I had made a good choice.

I think other people kind of see us as failures. Inside myself I dont feel we are, but many people judge by how much money you have and the car you drive and that youre retirement age and havent been able to retire. Thats their criteria. Thats how they see it, but weve tried hard to do the jobs weve been given well, and for the life of me I dont feel like a failure. Its been a successful enterprise as far as doing good work, and being able to work with my husband has been a thrill. Its all I ever dreamed of. So many times people settle for half a life. They're searching for security. I'm proud of the way we've handled our lives."

Suzanne and Amy: The Important Stuff
Suzanne is a sixty-two year old mother of six and grandmother of many. She has spent the last fifteen years getting her Ph.D. while working full time with disturbed adolescents. Success was not something she thought about as she went about her daily activities. The word had that in-neon connotation of sports heroes and entertainers for her.

My style is to come up against some kind of challenge and figure out an action plan for doing something about it. But, having been provoked to think about it, I do feel successful. What I definitely dont think about is material success. Feeling good about myself and my relationships, my family ties, and what goes on between me and my kids, my friends - thats really the important stuff for me.

Amy, a director of services for the criminally insane, said money and power were her first thoughts about success. Having a father who was a corporate executive, she was quite familiar with that kind of success, and the affluent lifestyle that accompanied it.

When you first asked me, I thought I didnt consider myself to be successful, but I realized that was comparing myself to my father - making a lot of money and being in a powerful position in a large organization. But, even by those standards, Im successful in a sense. I make more money than the average family in Connecticut makes; more than the average man in Connecticut makes; and certainly more than most women anywhere make, so by those standards I am successful. In terms of power, Im relatively powerful in a very narrow, limited area. But when I think about myself being successful, thats not what I think about now. What I think about is that I found work that I love - thats really important to me, and Ive maintained good friends and good contacts with my family. Those are the two things that really matter.

Victoria and Cassie: Self-Assessment
Victoria and Cassie have both attained recognition in their professions, but these publicly accepted criteria for success are not their measuring sticks either. Victoria presents as a hard-driving, self-assured stockbroker, but her comments about her success reveal that she has more on her plate than meets the eye.

Im successful when I make an improvement in my life. I dont care what anybody else did. I have to cope with a husband who has had a stroke, raise a nine-year-old kid whos sensitive and bright, and do my job well for my clients. If that line is better this year than it was last, I am a success. I dont base my feelings about myself on a comparison to others.

Cassie, an introspective clinical psychologist, had a similar very personal way of evaluating herself.

Its hard for me to think of myself as successful, because I dont think in those terms. For years I was obsessed with the inferiority/superiority dimension. I felt sort of unaccepted and not a part of things. Its an issue Ive worked really hard on, so as far as success goes, I measure it in terms of personal growth. I have an idea of what kind of person I want to be and am I better at being that person? Am I meeting those goals? Laughing, she concluded by answering her own question. Yes, Im doing better!