A Hundred Million Years Ago

Another Trevannodrot stood up to make its report. We have gotten the bill down to fifteen hundred and seventy pages, which is an improvement from the twenty-nine hundred and fifty pages we started out with. And I would like to add that it only took us nine months to make these revisions.

Good, yes, the leader nodded. Do you think you can revise it further down? To under a hundred pages possibly?

The Trevannodrot threw up its small hands in frustration. We are not magicians!

Yes, the leader agreed, it is too bad we cant figure out how to invent one of those.

The congregation all nodded to each other in agreement with the leader.

God decided to take a seat on one of the benches in the back row. As Trevannodrot already occupied the benches, he asked them nicely to shove over, and to his relief, they did just that, although giving him a strange look, and whispering to reach other. The other Trevannodrot took notice, and pretty soon all of them were turned around, looking back at what the commotion was about.

Order! The leader struck its mallet. What is going on back there?

Oh, Im sorry, God apologized, Do go on, Im just making myself comfortable.

And who are you? The leader demanded. You are not a member of the council!

I am, um, God, God replied.

God?

Um, God said unsurely, Yeah, sure, why not? This must have been a case of a rose by any other name. A God by any other name was just as confused as the rest of us.

The Trevannodrot pulled out a large book from under the pew and leafed through its pages, scanning the list of entries on one particular page. Okay, God has not been invented yet.

Oh, said God. Well thats good then.

The Trevannodrot whispered this to each other, making sure that everyone was familiar with the term, before the leader hit the mallet again and they all shut up. And what does a God do? The leader asked.

Well, God thought for a moment, as he wasnt really sure himself what he was doing there. Im waiting for my robe to dry.

The Trevannodrot whispered amongst themselves again, like this was some kind of holy revelation.

It got wet, you see, when I fell into the lake, just outside.

We know the lake just outside, the leader said. We invented it a long time ago. We also invented the mudslide that goes into the lake, which is quite a lot of fun.

Oh, God looked surprised. I didnt know lakes needed inventing.

What do you mean? The leader asked. Of course it needs inventing. Everything needs inventing. Otherwise, how would it come to be?

Err, well most things are created by nature, God explained. Most of the useful things anyway.

There was some more whispering in the congregation, before the leader hit his mallet for silence. Are you saying that what we invent is useless?

Well no, not at all, God said. Not all of it.

And who are you to judge what is useful and useless? The leader demanded. What makes you an expert?

I am a user of things both useful and useless. Surely, that makes me qualified to comment on their use.

But how many things have you invented?

Well, nothing really, God admitted.

Aha! The Trevannodrot said victoriously. So you yourself have not invented anything. Therefore, you are not qualified to judge the quality of inventions!

Err, surely, thats a silly argument, God observed.

Silly? The Trevannodrot banged its mallet.

Thats like saying that someone who has read hundreds of books but has never actually written one is unqualified at commenting on the quality of writing.

Ah, the leader raised one of its bushy eyebrows, and what is this book you speak of?

Um, its a written work, much like a bill, God compared it to something the Trevannodrot were familiar with. But its not long and boring, its much more fun to read. Well, those not written by Stephen King anyway. So I hear.

The Trevannodrot considered this. The leader then banged its mallet and came up with the unified opinion. Thats just silly!

Silly? How do you know its silly? God asked.

Why would anyone want to read something other than a bill?

And what makes you qualified in judging the value of a book? God retorted. Have you ever written one?

The Trevannodrot were shocked by this question, and they whispered to each other just how shocked they were. The leader banged its mallet. Order!

One of the Trevannodrot stood up and waited for silence. And who invented you? It asked God.

Who invented me? God asked like it was a very strange question. Well, I suppose humans did.

And who are these humans? The Trevannodrot enquired.

Humans are those silly life forms on the planet Terra who think they were invented by God.

The Trevannodrot whispered again. Thats circular logic! The Trevannodrot observed. I invented that just last week!

Ah, of course you did, God nodded.