The authors spiritual journey
There would be days ahead when momentarily I would have an intense feeling of self-pity; but I can truthfully say I never felt resentment toward God. I had to pray often for needed direction and a renewed sense of purpose in my life. Within a short time, with Gods help, I began to view Montes birth into our family as an opportunity rather than a problem. With the help of our family and friends, we began to see the future as thrilling rather than frightening. At this point, we had no idea of the disappointments that we would face, but we had the assurance that God would see us through.
I loved my baby more than life itself, but I was desperate for encouragement of any kind. And even though there were times when I didnt feel I had it all together, I did know that my faith would sustain me. I not only had God to see me through; it was the church, the body of Christ, who was there for my family and me. Many dark times in our lives were brightened by the understanding and encouraging words of members of our church.
During tough times
It was during this time that I had to call on my family more than ever, but also I really came to rely on God. During this time of frustration and defeat, when I felt that I could not go on much longer, when I wanted to cry out, God, are you still there?in the midst of it all, I would sense an inexplicable calm. Then it was as if God wrapped his arms around me to remind me that He was still near and that He understood how I felt. It was in times such as these that I knew I had everything I needed to deal with whatever crisis I faced. He had already given me His love and understanding...I believe that it is in our brokenness that God really embraces us. It is when our lives seemed shattered that Gods presence can be truly felt. Oh, I cried! Sometimes, until there were no tears left. But I believe tears are Gods way of easing the pain of a broken heart. And always, when I felt I couldnt go on, Hed give me a renewed sense of purpose and a warm rush of peace would come over me.
Never a dull moment
A trampoline spring once caused severe damage to his knit sweater. After the sweater became caught, I looked out to see Monte running around the yard with yarn from the sweater unraveling behind himat least a third of the sweater already gone!
So Christmas 1991, Monte got parallel bikes. It didnt take him long to know what to do. He knew how to pedal. He would hold handlebars with no problem, but his partner would primarily do the guiding. He just went with the flow. Christmas Day was spent riding Montes bicyclesfor once he had the attraction of the day.
Dr. Shirley Black, Special Education Director for our county, hurried by our table to suggest that I might want to encourage Monte to finish eating. The program was about to begin, and she thought his name might be called. This was easier said than done for Monte had put a whole, huge strawberry, about the size of a golf ball, in his mouth. With his cheek protruding and his mouth full, he was unable to chew. Encouraging him to bite was fruitless (no pun intended). Then holding a napkin, I begged for him to give it to me, a sometimes successful tactic. But not his strawberry! Names of award recipients were now being called. Without a moment to lose, I squished Montes strawberry by squeezing his cheek against his teeth. When I had it flat enough, he began to chew and swallowjust as his name was called as the Most Improved Athlete for Area 7 Special Olympics.
(At a relatives wedding, he)
ran toward a wooded area with me in hot pursuit. Before I could reach him, he promptly flopped down in a bed of ashes where someone had cleaned the yard and apparently burned the debris. To our dismay, he threw a tantrum, screaming to the top of his lungs, as he wallowed in these dry ashes which stuck to his moist skin and hair.
RX for a New Perspective
The real lesson I learned was that I couldnt change Monte, but I could change me. I could choose how I wanted to respond to the issues that I was allowing to drive me up the wall. So piece by piece, with Gods help, we were able to once again gain some perspective. Our problems definitely did not go away, but some semblance of normality fell into place, and we emerged stronger, wiser, and better equipped to cope with what was yet to come.
The nice doctor put his stethoscope in Montes ears, more or less to play with him, but no amount of persuasion could get the stethoscope back. After a short wrestling match with Monte hanging from the doctors tie, and involving his assistant as well as George and me, the doctor relented and suggested we just let him have the stethoscopeGeorge and I left not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Incidentally, I did return the stethoscope after we had Monte securely fastened in our vehicle.
Current Status
Though still virtually nonverbal, he makes his wishes known. His door generally remains closed because that is his preference, but if he needs a tape changed, or volume adjusted for his TV or radio, he flings the door open and comes running. In fact, he sprints down the hall, coming to an abrupt stop once he has found us. If hes hungry, its not unusual for him to stop by the stove to see whats for dinner and perhaps grab a bite before coming to our living area.
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