CHAPTER 1 - THE BEGINNING OF THE END

It was the day before Christmas and people were making ready for the important holiday. As usual there were the procrastinators who were scurrying about doing their last minute shopping, while others were rushing to transportation centers or driving to be with family and loved ones. When this time of the year comes around most people begin to experience different kinds of emotions. Some are happy, joyful and excited and some become melancholy and sad, while others have a mixture of all the emotions. Then there are some people who just treat it like any other day. My past experiences with the season were always in a positive vein. Well that would change this Christmas. This one particular holiday would become one that I would never forget. It was one of the most unhappy and saddest times of my life.

I was rushing to the hospital that Christmas Eve morning, beckoned by the call that I had feared would come. The nurse, who was aware of the circumstance, as well of the holiday season, was trying hard to be sympathetic. She said in a soft low sad voice that she was very sorry to tell me, but it was over. Tony had passed on quietly in his sleep. I stood there holding the phone for a moment not saying a word. We had expected the bad news, but when it comes you are still shocked to hear it. The nurse asked if I was all right. I swallowed hard trying to compose myself. Finally, in a low voice, I said that I would come over to the hospital and hung up.

My wife could see the state I was in, and decided that it was best that she drove. My mind kept thinking about my last conversation with Tony. He talked about how he was so worried about being allowed to go to Heaven when he died. Poor Tony, God, I hope he made it. I hoped God cut him a break and took him up there. I was praying to myself, asking God to allow him to enter that beautiful place up there. Oh God, I hope you did. I hope you realized that he deserves to be with you. He tried hard to be good, but like everyone, he had some problems along the way. Some problems weren't always his doing. He was a victim of circumstances brought on by an old European tradition that was forced on him. This ridiculous tradition pushed him into his father's business that created problems for him within his family that were insurmountable. And if that wasn't enough his relationships with the women in his life were even worse than the problems he had with his family. He tried hard to overcome his problems. But in attempting to do so, instead of thinking it out, would let his emotions take over, causing him to make some decisions that created some very bad situations in his life. He was no different than the rest of us. All he really wanted in life was the one thing we all want, that is to be loved. Oh God, I hope you won't turn your back on him, but instead smile on him and allow my father, Tony DiVincenzo to join you.

My wife and I entered Tony's hospital room. Two nurses looking very solemn stood along side of Tony's bed. One nurse came to me said she was the one who called me and that she was the one who found him dead. I went with my wife and stood next to the bed. My wife placed her arm around my waist trying to console me. It is strange the things a person thinks of as they are standing before a loved one who has passed away. Having never before experienced this I was thinking how I had prepared myself for this moment. I wanted to appear strong and take control of the situation, but I just couldn't. Why is it most men think it is a sign of weakness to cry? Well, I guess I was weak, because I lost complete control of myself. As I looked down at him lying still in the bed, the sorrow completely overwhelmed me and my tears started washing my eyes. I couldn't take the hurt any longer. I turned away from my wife's arm and walked to the window trying to pull myself together. Even though it was a bright and clear day, I couldn't see a thing through my tears.

As I stood there, the nurse approached me. She had in her hand Tony's personal effects, his wallet, money, eyeglasses, a comb and keys. I guess she thought it was important that I be given Tony's belongings. They were the farthest things from my mind. More and more tears cascaded from my eyes as I received his things. The nurse had to steady my hand as she placed the items in them. Because of the tears I couldn't see her hand. Receiving Tony's things didn't help me to gather myself it only made matters worse.

My wife came and hugged me, again trying to console me. Together we walked back to the bed. I felt I had to do or say something. My wife went to him and kissed his check. I, in turn, bent over and kissed his head. As I did, my tears fell on him. I gently tried to wipe them off of his hair. As he lay there, he looked so peaceful as if he were sleeping. I felt that if I touched him he would wake up.

Damn it, God, couldn't you have waited a few more days? Till maybe after the holidays? Would it really matter to you that much? If you could have waited, it would have turned out to be the best Christmas gift we ever got. Speaking of gifts, I received a gift from Tony after he had passed away, that I hold dear to my heart and will cherish for the rest of my life. Wait, I am getting ahead of myself. Ill explain about the gift later on in the story.

Let me tell you about the unhappy story of my dad's life and about the secret he kept for over 36 years. A secret that he never told anyone in his family or even confided to his closest friends. It was this secret that helped to compound the problems in his adult life, causing him constant anguish and torment. In the end his secret finally destroyed him physically and spiritually. I happened to be the one in our family that uncovered his secret and I curse the day I found out. To get a good under-standing about Tony's life, I will have to start the story before he was born. So, let's begin where it all started, with Tony's parents.