Heartwarming!
Eyes glistening with relief, your strong arms held me tightly pressed against your heart, and you kissed me as though it was for the last time. I could almost feel my soul leaving my body to unite with yours becoming one magnificent entity.

Jo-Ann, you whispered, youre aware of what has taken place in my life over the past two years. Ive paid an extremely heavy price for you, and I finally know why. The Gods and Goddesses heard my plea, and always knew they were going to place my precious dream girl alongside of me. But first, they had to take everything human and monetary from my existence. Its the only way we could have ended up together. Dont you see? They have stripped me of all but my life, which I now place into your hands. I come to you with practically nothing but empty arms and my sincere promise of eternal love and devotion.

With that, my darling Robert, I gently picked you up, I carefully dusted you off, and I oh so passionately filled your big, strong, empty arms with my entire being. I have cherished each moment, never doubting for an instant that the right decision was made.

Ive always been certain that destiny approved of my answer to your profound request. With a soft sigh it exhaled a deep breath, then beckoned us to take a fantastic flight upon its gossamer wings, and that we have done, Robert. Oh yes, you and I have ridden the wings of destinyand what a magnificent flight it has been.

Explosive!
So out came that infamous chessboard! While I set up the chess pieces, Bob poured two cordials. Lighting his favorite pipe, he puffed the wonderfully aromatic Captain Black smoke into large rings, which rose above his head and hung suspended resembling a halo.

How comical. Angels would fear to tread anywhere near a Bob and Poopa chess game! Here we go again!

Two hours later, each of us having limited options, struggled to stay alive. It was Bobs move and if he made the right move, I would be the corpse! After careful deliberation, he raced his black bishop diagonally across the board, then quickly retracted his decision, placing the bishop back on its original square.

Glancing up at me with a guilty expression smeared over his face, he cried out, No, Poopa, I changed my mind! Just give me another minute to figure out my options. This is really a tough game, and were both on the verge of being mated.

Stop dreaming, dimple cheeks. What you meant to say is, This was a tough game. That bishop has to be moved, Bob! I demanded. You know the rules! And what options are you talking about? Your options arezippo, nada, zero!

Pure frustration dripped from his sullen face! Poopa, he countered, you know what? I just realized something. I left the table before to refill my pipe, and when I returned, the placement of the chess pieces looked different. Did you switch a couple of my pieces around? Come to think of it, this set up looks rather strange and quite weird! Did you cheat?

Lightning bolts immediately began to flash in my brain! Had they been able to shoot out of my eyes, Bob would have been electrocuted on the spot!

Oh, you fabricating lunatic! I screamed. Nothing is beyond you when it comes to winning! See? I was right about you all along, Bob! You really are an evil, dimpled face cheater! And let me tell you something evil one the only rather strange and quite weird things in my entire life are you and your warped sense of propriety! How can you accuse me of cheating when you are a big youre nothing but a. Oh God, I cant even think of a name thats horrible enough to call you!

There he sat, casually lounging in pure arrogance, and laughing at me, to make matters worse!

Zany!
Bob spotted me and sauntered over, hands on hips. Towering over me, he said, Jo-Ann, Ive always known that youre crazy. Youve never kept it a secret! Okay Jo-Ann, what in the name of God are you doing and why are you dressed in my clothes? Do you realize its 2:30 in the morning, and Ive been searching all over the place for you?

Knowing hed calm down the instant I cleared up his confusion, I excitedly ranted my explanation. Bob, youre not going to believe this! I discovered whats been stripping the Impatiens! I thought they had a disease, so Ive been ripping the flowers out of the ground and planting new ones, but the same thing happens. Its not a disease! Its much worse! We have slugs millions of them!

Youre kidding! What the hell are slugs, and how do we get rid of them?

Slugs are fat, mushy, gray and black, striped, wormy looking night crawlers with antennas and no feet! They slither around in the garden on their bellies, devouring every flower they can stuff into their greedy mouths! But I know how to destroy them! I remember hearing somewhere that you can catch them by setting out dishes of beer in the flowerbeds, or by sprinkling them with salt. Let me tell you, the salt works fantastic, the beer too! I already killed about 35 of them! See those white piles all over the dirt? Well, theyre buried underneath them. And come look at these four suckers! They went for a midnight swim in that saucer of beer and slurped up half of it! Theyre lushes, Bob. Look at those bloated beer bellies! They died drunk!

Very interesting, Poopa. Are you saying that were being invaded by millions of fat, striped, mushy, wormy looking and footless, alcoholic slugs? Hmmm, perhaps we should call in the entire Channel 7 News Team to investigate this phenomenon. You always wanted to meet Ted Koppel, anyway.

Treacherous!
Arriving at the hospital just before noon, I entered Bobs room and panic instantly surged through me! His bed was empty! Since he could no longer walk, and there were no scheduled tests, where was he? Glancing around the room, I spotted him in a wheel chair several feet away from his bed. He was wild-eyed and completely disheveled, his hands, legs and head shaking uncontrollably as though he had palsy!

As I ran over to him, he yelled, Jo-Ann, thank God youre here! Do you know whats going on? She was here this morning lying about you screeching all kinds of horrible things! Shes evil, Jo-Ann, totally evil!

I knelt by his wheel chair and gathered his cold, trembling hands in mine, pressing them to my lips. Tears streamed down my cheeks at the pitiful sight of him. Bob, my God, I cried, youre shaking! Please try to calm down before you say anything else.

Poopa, he said, gasping for breath, she wants to be in control, so shes lying and conniving! I swear shes got all the traits of a sociopathno conscience, no sense of right and wrong, and no remorse, whatsoever! I tried to tell you that none of them could be trusted! Its always been about money, and she has turned out to be the greediest of Salems Lot! I told her, Forget about the f - - - - - - property, the stocks and everything else! It all belongs to Jo-Ann!

On my knees as he sat shaking and distraught in a wheel chair, I apologized and pleaded for his forgiveness. If I hadnt encouraged him to unlock that door and allow her to enter, this would have never happened. Bob blamed only himself for breaking one of his cardinal rules, and of course, he forgave me immediately.

But the question iscan I ever forgive myself?