A EULOGY FOR LOZARIO KALVIN

“That’s right, mates! Take as much as you can hold, ya sons of bitches!” A fat man shouted to his men, waving his pistol over his head. A disheveled group of half-stoned toughs ripped through machinery with lasers, unhooking tanks and dragging them back to their ship. Dead bodies lay spread out on the purple soil, their blood darkening the ground cover. “Please try not to shoot at the big tanks this time, okay morons? Curse me, my ears are still recovering from that last accident!”
“Aye, Captain!” They intoned.
A slender man walked up to Captain Kurzweil, dressed in the same black tunic as the fat man. He was a head taller than the captain, and his features were softer than the rough edges of the husky man. “Great gods, Captain, how many delectable nuggets like this do you think are in this star system?”
“I’ve no idea, Brady, but you can bet your sweet bottom that I’ll find them all! These oxygen farms aren’t heavily guarded, they’re just begging to be raided.”
“Quite true, sir.” Brady shielded his eyes from the sun that began to peek out over the horizon. It seemed to highlight the magenta hull of the Mercurial, making the starship glow intensely. He noticed the approach of a blue orb from the ship towards the skipper. “MORDECAI brings us news?”
“Eh?” Kurzweil turned with a wobble.
LED lights formed a blinking grin as the robot spoke: “I’ve just got word from the newswire. Kalvin was sent to the firing squad a few hours ago. He’s dead, Captain.”
“A real shame that is,” Kurzweil said, a hand covering what Brady determined was a smile. He removed his hand, trying on a reverent face. “He was an honor to serve under, may the gods out there receive his spirit. This raid shall be done in his honor. Relay that message to the rest of the crew, will you, MORDECAI?”
“Right away, sir!” The blue sphere zoomed further out to the huge tanks below them.
“Sir,” Brady seemed to weigh his words. “I wanted to talk to you about that huge crate in the cargo bay. We tried scanning it, but the readings always come out inconclusive. It’s starting to scare some of the night crew.”
“What do ya mean?”
“Our boys down there have reported glowing lights and strange sounds coming from that crate. Just what the hell is in that crate, Captain? Was it worth losing Lozario over?”
Kurzweil grabbed Brady’s arm and drew back his fist. “How dare you? You’re a good-for-nothing, bloody pirate, just like me, boy! You’ve killed. You’ve robbed. Just like me. There’s a price on your head. You’re stuck in a battered boat full of miserable sots just like you, out for their own worthless necks!” The big man punched Brady in the chest. The young man fell to the earth. “Back sass me again, boy, and I’ll leave ya here on this crap-hole little moon, eh? You go on and try me!”
“No,” Brady gasped. “No disrespect intended, Captain, but who do you intend to sell this thing to?”
“My, you’re full of questions today, aren’t you? I’ll tell you, just to shut your pie-hole! I’ve got a line on this antiques dealer from the Arsidian Galaxy. He said he’d pay us in state-of-the-art cloaking software for the Mercurial, heh, that’ll give us the advantage, eh Brady my boy?”
Brady rubbed his chest, his face hot with anger. “Quite.” This had been such a pleasant endeavor until we acquired this crate, he thought. I think some kind of evil force surrounds this box. I’ll be relieved when we get rid of it. It’s making everyone act funny, especially the Captain.
As if to prove his point, Captain Kurzweil spoke half-mumbling: “Yes, yes. Uh, if you don’t mind, Brady, when we’ve set sail I’ll need some time alone with the item again, just another inspection. You must take over the number one chair. Only for thirty minutes or so, no, maybe forty-five, um no, maybe an hour, yes yes yes, an hour or so. Or, maybe even a little more than an hour. You don’t mind?”
“Um, not at all, Captain.”
The ugly old fat man finally cracked a smile, smacking Brady on his shoulder. “You’re a good boy, but you still need to toughen up, lad. Stop being a nosy woman with all your questions. No one wants to hear them. You’re still very young to be a first mate, but a few more raids’ll man you up yet. Aw, don’t get pissed, I promise you won’t be when all our business is done with. Soon we’ll dock with the Aphrodite Princess and you can indulge yourself in all the wine and whores you can stand! How does that sound, Brady?”
“Tempting, skipper, very appealing.”
“Well then, go back to the ship and await my orders. Well go on, don’t just stand there like a statue, MOVE YOUR ARSE!”
Brady paced up the slope back to the ship. You keep pushing me, old man, and see what happens next. You think you know me, well, keep on messing with me and I swear to God you’ll know my boot up your fat ass!