The Onerous Burdens of the Fish and Wildlife Officer

My initial assignment as a freshly-minted ensign, U.S. Navy, was Main Propulsion Assistant aboard USS Colahan (DD-658) in San Diego. My first few months were spent becoming acclimated with the ship in general, the engineering plant in particular, learning the names and skills of my division=s personnel, and adjusting to the life of a seagoing sailor. I knew that in a few months we would be deploying to the Western Pacific on a six-month cruise. There would be much preparation required before we took in all lines and headed toward the sunset. One part of that preparation came as a surprise just two weeks before departure.

Colahan was one of four ships in Destroyer Division 172, which, when coupled with the four destroyers of Division 171, formed Destroyer Squadron 17, the Seahorse Squadron. I regale you with this trivia only because of its relevance to my story. At an officers= meeting in the wardroom two weeks before deployment, the Captain announced that he wanted to have a fish tank installed in the wardroom and to inhabit the tank with a few seahorses; he obviously felt the Squadron Commander would be quite impressed with his creativity. He thought that it should come under the purview of the Engineering Department, and said: ALull, make it happen.@

Although I had seen pictures of seahorses, I don=t believe I had actually seen a real seahorse, let alone had any idea how or where they live, what they eat, or how to treat them. What I did know for sure, after four years at the Naval Academy was how to respond to this command; I replied: AAye, aye, sir.@ My boss, the Chief Engineer, struggling to keep from breaking up, said: AMr. Lull will assume the position of Fish and Wildlife Officer@. While the other officers guffawed, I recalled a line that Zane Grey used in several of his westerns: AHe smiled without mirth.@

When I located a pet store that had a wide variety of fish for sale, I asked about little seahorses; they said they stocked the dwarf variety of seahorses. I described what I was looking for and gave her the size of the tank we were installing. The woman waiting on me seemed to be quite knowledgeable about these little fish; she assured me that the tank was large enough to house a few seahorses. I asked her what they ate, and she replied - brine shrimp. When I told her we would be away from San Diego for a long time and asked where would I get brine shrimp to feed the fish. She pulled a box off a shelf and told me this supply of brine shrimp eggs would hold me for a year. AJust drop some eggs in water and they will hatch - then you scoop the live shrimp out and drop them into the tank.@ AOne moment,@ I said, AWhat am I scooping the live shrimp from?@ AThe brine shrimp tank,@ she said. AI don=t have a brine shrimp tank - can=t I just drop the eggs in the seahorse tank?@ ANo,@ she said firmly. AIf a seahorse ingests part of an egg shell, it would be fatal.@ AMake sure,@ she added, Athat you start with fresh sea water in the tank.@ Back at the ship, my boss agreed to take the brine shrimp tank problem off my plate.


The following day my wife and I went to the ocean side of Coronado with buckets to collect fresh sea water. Colahan was moored in the harbor at 32nd Street, hardly a source of fresh sea water. While milling around on some rocks, in my khaki uniform, bucket in hand, trying to not slip off into the water, a Navy helicopter came buzzing by. Although he hovered overhead, wondering what I was doing, I went about my business. I really did not want to have to explain what I was doing out there to any sane person. Evelyn and I collected the water I needed as quickly as possible, loaded the full buckets into the car, and left. She said as I dropped her off, Athis supply won=t last long; where will you get fresh sea water next week?@ I looked at her; she looked at me. Finally she said - AOh, that=s right; you=ll be floating on it.@ Returning to the ship, I brought the water aboard, set up the tank, tested it, checked out the newly installed brine shrimp tank, and decided that I was ready to get the seahorses. I went to the store, bought the net, eggs, and the precious, little long-nosed fish. Back aboard, I very ceremoniously entered the seahorses into their new home - and dropped a few eggs into the brine shrimp tank. That evening I was like a nervous new dad, wondering if my offspring would survive the night.

When I arrived the next day, the Duty Officer informed me that the funny-looking recruits that I shanghaied were still swimming. I was relieved, and collected my receipts to get reimbursement from the Supply Officer. He reviewed them and handed them back to me, saying: AWhen the Squadron Supply Officer audits me, he=d just love to gig me for spending taxpayers= money frivolously just so you can get in good with the Captain.@ He was two grades senior to me - and didn=t like me much. He added: AGo see the Welfare and Recreation Officer; see if he feels those funds can be used for crap like this.@ That last part especially irritated me on two counts. First, he knew Welfare and Rec funds were not to be spent for anything that didn=t benefit the crew - these seahorses didn=t benefit anyone. Second, he also knew that I WAS the Welfare and Recreation Officer as another collateral duty. I went to my desk, fingering the receipts that I had been stiffed for, and thought - maybe I=m not cut out to be a seagoing sailor....